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29 Oct 2009

For a lifetime...


“Baby…. Like you had Vipul… I had someone one else too…. Aditi”

She kept reading the text again and again like she couldn’t understand English. Everything stopped in time and space. Her nightmare had come true.

“Baby, u der?”…. “V were goin out 4 lik two months, v realized v wer not ryt 4 each other and spilt up.”….”Baby, I’m sry, I shud’ve told u dis b4”…. He kept on sending texts, she couldn’t bring herself to type.

Weirdly, all that was going on in her head was that he had pinky-promised when she asked him if he had had someone back in Dubai.
She knew the actual part of him having an ex- didn’t matter, well, she had one herself, didn’t she…

But it kept rankling with her that he hadn’t trusted her enough to tell her, hadn’t trusted her love for him enough to tell her earlier.
She knew he was freaking out without being able to call her… he’d jus finished all his balance on her.

“Jus go 2 sleep, v’ll tok abt it tom”….. she knew he wouldn’t listen. She lay down looking out of the window hearing the storm that wasn’t there. She thought about why it mattered to her. He had made it clear that it was over, proved again and again that he loved her to bits but it still mattered that her chakkara had said ‘I love you’ to an Aditi before.

Aditi.
The girl who had given her a FB request three days ago.
She probably would know about me and him… our pictures were all over our profiles.
I wondered if she cared. If it mattered.

The rational side told her it didn’t matter. But there was an imaginary hole where her stomach had been.
“I luv u”….. she didn’t reply. She realized she wasn’t being fair. But it would never be the same.

Her phone rang, ‘the stars are holding you, holding you, tonight’…their song…. Seemed like an eon back.
Unknown number. It was him.

She picked it up. “Baby, please….”, “I know I should have told you, I made a mistake”
“I asked you…. Gazillion times”
“Baby, I’m sorry, I thought I’d lose you….. I love you… U know that”
Silence.
“Baby, say something” His voice broke.
“What do you want me to say”. He hated that sentence and she knew it. She still said it.
She knew he would never hurt her on purpose… he was too giving for that. He loved her too much. But the trust. She cut the call.
Both of them didn’t sleep that night.

She got ready fast in the morning, skipped breakfast and went to the class fast. She didn’t text him.
He came sat next to her. “I’m sorry”. She kept getting visions of him with another girl. She couldn’t look him in the eye.

It was killing him. He was regretting it. She could see it. For the first time since they got together, things were awkward between them.
He said ‘I love you’…. She said it back in her head, he waited.

He was still her chakkara. He didn’t deserve to be punished or hurt like this. Hadn’t he accepted her with open arms with her issues and emo baggage? He didn’t deserve anger or hurt for being honest. She was lucky to get him…. Her other half… almost literally. Few people were that lucky.

“I love you too, honey….”
Both of them were in tears. They knew nothing had changed. Nothing ever would.


Dedicated to Ducky.
U mean the world, baby.