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5 Dec 2015

Hot Neighbors and Unrealistic Expectations

Just came back from watching Creed (side note: the movie is epic, go watch) and let me just take a moment to talk about the unrealistic expectations movies like this set for men all over the place.

What’s with sending out vibes to the Universe that finding the perfect girl is as simple as knocking your neighbour’s door in the middle of the night and asking them to pipe down? How is a man ever expected to find, forget arm candy, at least a wife when he thinks it is that easy, huh? I feel sorry for you, brothers, I do.

Who is going to break it to you that the girl you date first is going to break all the notions of true love you have had into smithereens and along with it sometimes your heart. All that you will be left with is a mile long phone bill and tendonitis from texting too much. It is okay though, you will get over it. You will also realize that you have sold yourself grossly short. If you had the sense to get out of it yourself, good for you man, good for you.

Then you will, against your own better judgement (and that of your brethren) date with relatively better standards. But this one will come with her own set of issues… daddy issues, mommy issues, abandonment issues, and (only in India) joint family issues. By the time you rummage through the wasteland and find her actual self, you will be too tired to do much else and therein will begin the decline of the union – until she moves on to another of your brethren while you are still reeling under the impact of what you don’t realize hit you.

This is the point that you will swear off relationships. You are going to simply ‘date’ and Tinder magically appears on a locked folder in your mobile (lest Mummy dearest ‘borrows’ the phone to ‘make a quick call’). After swiping left, right and center, you realize that all the girls on Tinder are paranoid about creeps, thereby got you dead scared of coming off as a creep.

This is the point most guys give up and surrender to arranged marriages. It is okay to do so. Your folks can go into all the trouble of pataofying the girl and all you need to do is show up and smile at all the right places and also be nice to her daadi. That’s all. See, way better that having to woo the woman you saw standing by the pool at your friends party and never did because you were too intimidated or you were too busy thinking of all the ‘issues’ she might have.

Your last girlfriend will, hopefully, be the one. Not in the angel from heaven, hot AND smart one that you always dreamt the woman you espouse will be, but the one you suddenly wake up and realize you married. On your original scale, she is a mediocre in everything that you ever wanted. But if you are lucky, she might just make you laugh and cook the right things and make the right noises when you are doing (hopefully) the right things. Happily ever after is overrated. No really. Absolutely no sour grapes here.

Unless of course, you are 6 feet gorgeous inches tall, have a body that is chiseled out of stone, have your A-game AND a hot neighbor who also happens to be supportive and sweet AND a musician. Then you can change your name to Creed and live happily ever after.