30 Jul 2013

I remember...

...the time when I used to be famous for filling up scrapbooks with the coolest things around. I miss that me, I miss being confident of the abilities I had, I miss saying 'DON'TSMOKE' with unsurpassed conviction, I miss being able to laugh easily, cry even more easily, I miss not being so quick to judge.

I miss that time when I didn't have so much crap in my head, so much luggage in my past and a life that was a clean, innocent slate. 

Since I can't really go back in time and make things simpler, I jumped at the chance to take the tag when Visha came up with it.   

Favourite colour : Black. No its not a rebel phase.
Favourite actor : Changes quicker than I can say 'action'. Right now, Charlie Hunnam and not necessarily for his acting skills. Yeah, I'm fickle like that :P
The websites you visit without fail : Blogger, Flipkart, 4shared, Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo! Mail and Pinterest.
Your ‘pep-up’ food : Pizza with a cheese crust specifically from Dominos. Explains my size, no?

THIS is what I'm talking about.

Where would you prefer to live – mountain, beach, plains or valley : Definitely a beach, only place I can put up with heat and humidity because the water makes up for it all.

The latest dream you can recollect : My ex falling off a building and pulling me down along with him.

Items which are always in your wallet : Bank cards, change, a billion old bills, driving license, ATM receipts for the last century and a pouch of some religious souvenir that I keep because Mom told me to. Almost never any cash. 

Five years ago, at this time what were you doing : Finished my 12th boards, disappointed with my useless 88 per cent, trying to decide between Frankfinn and regular graduation. Completely clueless, head over heels in love, getting entangled in everything unnecessary and headstrong as always. 

Your quote of the day : This...

I dare you to say something about my handwriting... Go on.. :P

P.S: Both pictures are from my own Instagram. For once.

26 Jul 2013

The One With The Makeover

So I finally found the inspiration to give ze pore ole blog a makeover, as best as I can. Updated the pages, found my long-lost awards page and showcased all my puranewale banners. The social media icons actually work this time and I am so proud that I did it myself AND got it right :P

But the creme de la creme is the banner; I realized, after my very first one, I never had a banner with chocolate in it, so I went overboard with this one. Two whole days of obsessive not-working-in-the-office and staying late (for the fast Wi-Fi) has payed off with the results you see. 
That's before and after, right there.

Anyhoo, the thing is, I never promote my blog in the real world, I don't share it on my personal Facebook. I never told my colleagues I had a blog even and when people ask me to give them the link, I brush it off and change the topic. Not that it is difficult to find if you know my real name, but still. I always thought it's because I write a lot of personal stuff on the blog, details, that I am more myself here than I can ever be in real life (because I find it difficult to open up in real life, as it turns out), but I realised yesterday that it's because I simply care too much.

The blog has become a very big part of me, it's highs and lows reflecting the highs and lows of my own life. I am immensely proud of everything that I have put in here (blonde, shrill, stupid posts included) and I am immensely proud of what the blog has given me. So when someone reads the blog for the first time, I get real nervous about what they will have to say. And I'd rather not show them, than hear something negative. Sensitive like that, I suppose. Not healthy, I know.

I'll stop with the Oscar speech now. Temme how you like the new stuff. And if anything doesn't work the way its supposed to. And if its taking too long to load.

And most importantly, thank YOU people, you know who you are. The ones who have stuck by through all the disappearing acts and still come back to check if there is a new post. Still say that you look forward to new posts. The fact that I still have comments despite not having been active around here in forever has been the biggest motivator to get going again.

Thanks a ton.

22 Jul 2013

119 Seconds

My laundry for the week is done. Oh wait, I still have that bedsheet to deal with. Ah well, I'll give it to Sancy. Damn, they charge a lot. Oh, I have to stop at the ATM. Screw it, I'm too tired to stop anywhere, go straight home and into bed. Erm, dinner. What should I eat? Those sattu parathas from Food Junction are brilliant. But I don't want to go alone. Too many guys at this time. Ergh. Grow up. You're not in a small town anymore. And those guys are cute too. Ah well. Dammit, forgot to call Mom again. She's going to be upset. I have to book tickets too! How long is it to salary day? Damn that's too long. And the office trip is this weekend. Shit, I have nothing to wear. Shut up, Conscience, I DO NOT have anything to wear and that's true. Reminds me, where is that shrug I got last week. I hope she didn't flick it like she flicked the last one. I have to talk to her about moving out. Better still, I hope she moves out. God, why does she have a problem with how late I get home! Just because her boyfriend is too busy to entertain her. Ugh. Why do I get stuck with such people. And I cribbed about my college roommates. I miss them. Okay, now I feel guilty, I suck at keeping in touch and I still crib about missing them. I'll set reminders to call Indu this weekend. I should go down and visit her sometime. Been too long since I even talked to Aunty. Oooh, that be a sexy bike. I wish I had legs long enough to ride one of those. Damn. What and all God chooses not to give us. I should ressurect my Twitter. Well, fine, I'm hopeless at fitting things into 140 characters but still, I like the new app. And I need to check my inbox, too many messages unreplied. Why is that guy revving his stupid scooter? 19 seconds more to go and he's already in a hurry. The last straw will be if he honks at me. There he goes, asshole. I'm not budging until it's green, moron, go over me if you want to. Ah, here come the pedestrians, one day I'm going to take the time to stop and tell you how fucking awesome you are, not. I should get pizza and watch the rest of Magic Mike. No pizza, no money. Tickets. Tatum, I love you, how could you marry Dewan. The Duchess is having a baby! No shit. Please start. NOW. Ah, thank God.

P.S: In case you didn't guess, this is a depiction of what goes on in my head when I'm waiting for the traffic light to turn green. Yes, I'm entirely, hopelessly random like that.


15 Jul 2013

Gipsy Danger

I always felt that us, human beings, are the puniest of all of God’s creations, mostly because we are the least armed, so to speak. You know how even a tiny ant can bite the living shit out of you? We don’t have horns or stingers or even wings to fly away from danger, if need be.

Well, yes, He did give us the sixth sense, but let’s face it, how helpful is it when there is a rabid dog (forget a lion or a snake or other such scary shit) growling its face off at you, ready to attack at the slightest movement and your senses are paralyzed with fear? How useful is the sixth sense then? What are we going to do, talk the dog into getting a logical perspective of the attack? No, right? Thought so.

Also, I have very less respect for our race as well. I have my reasons, the one on the top of the list being that we are incapable of coexisting peacefully, not with our own kind OR with other kinds. You know, there are jungles full of animals of a billion different species that exist without causing destruction to everything surrounding them and we can’t keep an office pantry clean without assigning five extra people to do the cleaning at regular one hour intervals and STILL manage to leave it looking like a pigsty at the end of the day. Which is why I say, we are pathetic.

But let’s not go there, crux of the matter being that I don’t think too awesomely of us humans.  

What changed my perception, a tiny bit, but nevertheless, is Pacific Rim.

If we, some day, become capable of building those Jaegers and get two people to share minds strongly enough to be able to operate those ginormous, drool-worthy, mindfucking robotdaddies (I find normal, meaningful adjectives incapable of doing justice to Jaegers) effectively, I think we really ought to get a pat on the back.

And let’s not forget the background scores by that godawesome composer.

If you don’t watch Pacific Rim in the best theatre in town as soon as possible, you really are missing out on one of the prime examples of cinematic brilliance.

Here's the IMDB link and the Rotten Tomatoes link for those who check obsessively.
Here's the YouTube link to the OST playlist.
Here's a link to PVRCinemas for you to book your ticket. 
Here's one more picture in case the other two didn't pique your interest at the very least. 

My faith in humanity and its future has been restored to a small extent. We still have hope.

P.S: Please to note, I have never recommended a movie on the blog ever before.

P.P.S: Go with friends, I’d never have to able to scream my lungs out to my heart’s content if it weren’t for the six other screaming enthusiasts I went with.

P.P.S.S: And the screaming is not about not being classy, the movie just makes you wanna go AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmymindisblown!

P.P.P.S.S: Yeah, I’m done.

10 Jul 2013

Traffic 101

So, I have been on the roads since I got my LLR almost a decade back (gosh, I'm old!:O) and what I love about this country and the cities I have ridden in is their complete lack of respect for any kind of traffic rules. That's what makes the roads so organized and driving/riding such a pleasure not to mention a breeze for beginners to learn and complete lack of accidents and mishaps. And there are never ever ever EVER any traffic jams anywhere in the country at all, especially not in Mumbai and Bangalore. Hats off to us!!


So I'm proceeding to list out a few pointers for all those who drive/ride on any Indian road.

10_ Learn to use the horn. Honk liberally. So what if the signal is red and the person in front is as stuck as you are. SIT ON THE GODDAMN HORN. The louder, the longer, the better. And if someone gives you a dirty look for honking too much, honk straight into their face.

9_ At signals, when you need to turn left, make sure that you inch in from the extreme right, as far away from the turning as possible. And when the light turns green, cut off an entire road full of vehicles to get to the other side.

8_ Bully all vehicles smaller than yours. If you're in a Sumo, edge the Activa guy off the road even when you have space. If you're on an Activa, honk the living daylights out of the cyclist and give him a very disgusted look as you pass by. He has no right, riding that piece of junk in this motorized world.

7_ Women drivers/riders are the best in the world. Maa kasam. And the entire world is on our side; nobody checks our licenses, we can drive/ride exactly as we please, overtake left right and centre, road rules gaye bhaad main and all that we need to get out of trouble is a few tears, heartfelt apologies and eye flutters, we can get away with even killing the black buck.

6_ NEVER ever let the other guy pass. Who cares if you have space enough for an elephant to perform a ballet, its a matter of your pride that you don't let him pass. Sonofabitch can wait for his wife's delivery.

5_ Don't bother investing in a helmet; why waste 800 odd bucks (that too for cheap ones) for one bulky, ugly helmet just to mess up your perfect hair. Ensuring that your perm or gelling remains intact is more important than preventing your brains from being splattered.

4_ Take off all the rear view mirrors on your vehicle, they are pretty useless anyway and don't really add to the sleek look, especially if its a bike.

3_ Always, ALWAYS overtake other vehicles as per your convenience. You own the road, have that confidence in your heart as you overtake that stupid car from the left as the bus overtakes him from the right. Or, you could yourself one better and overtake on ghat roads or hair pin bends at high speed as well. Like they say, speed thrills.

2_ In a traffic jam, compete with 25 other people to be the first to get out of there. Doesn't really matter that if you hold on for another five minutes, the entire jam itself can be sorted out - you HAVE to be the first one to leave, no matter what.

1_ And my personal favorite - When an ambulance has its lights on and is wailing, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT let it pass under any circumstances. You getting to the movies on time is more important than the guy within who's losing brain and body function. But if the ambulance somehow does manage to sneak past you, ensure that you stay right behind it and let it clear the traffic for you, because there are some morons on the road who'll actually let the ambulance pass. HAHA, the fools.

And as much as possible, be high, one way or the other, when you drive. Enhances your driving skills.

P.S: I think now that, if I die prematurely, it might just not be of over indulgence but because my BP will spike causing a heart attack when I'm shaking my fist at someone who doesn't give a flying fuck about road rules which exist for a reason. 

 P.P.S: Please get the sarcasm, it all sounds very wrong if you don't get the sarcasm. 


8 Jul 2013

Hospital Chronicles #2

I'm very generous with my affections and admiration and you don't have to do much to make me go gaga over you. I almost always find one quality in all people that I don't possess which is enough to make me go wow at them for the rest of my life. Yes, I'm supremely, stupidly naive like that.

But on the other hand, if you lose my respect, it's gone forever and nothing you do can earn it back.

And one of the foremost things you can do to lose my respect in its entireity is to say or do something that indicates that you think girls/women are inferior to boys/men. And if you are a man and you think I am inferior to you, I think it would be safer for you to just stay away. Anything to suggest even the slightest leaning towards gender bias and I'll be forced to think that you have a brain comprised of scat. Bas.

But you know what happened...

I was sitting outside the Gynec operation theatre waiting for news about Mom (it's exactly like it is in the movies). And there were babies busy being born as well, which is kind of a given. SO. This nurse comes out with this baby who's wailing his lungs out and the people sitting next to us jumped up with tears in their eyes, all smiles (exactly like in the movies too). I smiled, despite myself, at the baby who stopped wailing and looked like little angry bird. Then, I heard the grandparents and grandaunt call up the whole world and their uncle and specify that the baby was a boy.

Not that the baby was healthy and the mother was fine (considering the delivery was complicated enough to be a ceasarean). But that the baby was a boy. 

My grandma (who herself has been majorly biased earlier on in life) made a remark about their excitement about the boy, expecting me to go on a rant (as usual) but all I had to say was, "Arey, let them be, they're not educated enough to know the difference and the implications."

I thought it was because I was too busy thinking of other, more important things but later when I thought about it, I felt the same way. Maybe I have grown a tolerant bone in my body.

After being educated and being given exposure to how the world works in the 21st century, if people are still gender biased, they should be shot, military style (just my opinion, the way I feel). Otherwise, I realize, it's not their fault, ignorance is what drives them. 

P.S: I'm not a feminist or anti-men (just the opposite, for I believe women would be lost without men, more on that later), I just don't believe in the crap that parents will be taken care of by their sons in their old age and daughters are a liability because of dowry nonsense, the fact that they leave the mother's house and whatnot. You know that kind of thinking, that's what I'm against. 

P.P.S: A big thank you to all those who prayed for Mom, she's recuperated admirably and is back on her feet *touchwood*. And all is right with the world again :)