Relationshi(t)p

When fashion blogger Tanvii put up the cheeky post with her repartees to 'advice' on how to 'rock' a marriage, I realized that I could very well convert the snorts that pepper the flow when I'm reading any 'relationship advice' articles into a post for my long sufferingly patient blog.

What gives me authority enough to snort? Two failed relationships and more years of being a saphead in them than I'd like to remind myself of, I could be somewhat of a (low -level, atleast) expert, don't you think?

So when this came in my mail, I jumped at the chance *cheeky grin*

They say: If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
I say: His ego can. Very much so. The Male Ego is a very real thing with a moustache and a personality of its won. Yessir.

They say: If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
I say: Complacence can. The comfort of being in safe (maybe boring) relationship can. Sheer laziness/fear of being alone can.

They say: Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Likewise, don't make excuses for your own bad behviour.
I say: It takes years for a person to mature enough in a relationship to not cuss when angry. Years. Till then, flying objects and bad language/behaviour is inevitable. In most cases.

They say: Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
I say: Almost everyone almost always ignore their intuition. Which is why we have a world ablaze with dysfunctional, crazyass relationships.

They say: Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. And don't try to change him either, it just doesn't work.
I say: Biggest load of bull. Changing for someone in a relationship is inevitable because no two people fit together perfectly enough to not make little compromises and adjustments.Though the smart ones will change because they want to and the dumb ones will fill their lives with the relationship and nothing else.

They say: Slower is better.
I say: They didn't mean the other slower, dirty minds :P
Agreed. Obsessing over where it is going will spoil the moment. But this doesn't apply relationships which are over five years old and still are where they started from.

They say: Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
I say: Lets face it. None of us really wait for it and we inevitably have a heartbreak or two under our belts before we find that the one thing that truly makes us happy is shopping. Or chocolates. Or shoes. Or that LBD.

They say: If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't 'be friends.'
I say: Regardless of why it ends, 'being friends' is a common myth, an urban legend... in 95% cases. The other 5% are just awesome.

They say: Don't stay because you think 'it will get better.' You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
I say: LISTEN TO THIS. If you have doubts, reasonable ones, then it probably means that it is all going to the dogs sometime in the near future. But you won't listen. Why? Because we are built not to.

They say: Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
I say: GET A LIFE. Your own. No, seriously. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are attached at the hip. If you are, then its high time that you un-attach yourself.

They say: Do not make him into a quasi-god; he's a man, nothing more, nothing less.
I say: Pedestals are meant for fans. Trophies. A bowl of wax fruits(?). Not your boyfriend. Don't wax eloquent on his amazing-ness. Don't let him wax eloquent on his amazing-ness. If he wants to wax eloquent about YOUR beautifuls curls/eyes/nose/hair/ears/whatever, that's okay. But too much of that also has to be taken with a pinch of salt. Coz lets face it, we are not Megan Foxs or Scarlett Johannsons for him to swoon over all the time, every time.

I'm going to stop here, for this post is getting painfully long.

And regardless of how cynical the post is, finding one person that you can take goofy poser pictures with, seek advice on financial problems from, lean on when that headache threatens to overwhelm and depend on to drop the kids in school safely will always be worth all the crap. If you are lucky, that is.

P.S: Despite all the 'advice', you will get your heart broken. Therefore keep your pajamas close and a RockyRoad tub, Calvin & Hobbes and Enid Blyton closer.

P.P.S: No relationship is worth losing yourself completely in. No break up is bad enough to lose faith in love.

P.P.S.S: Commitment-phobia in a woman is a good thing. Be afraid. Be very afraid.