It was as simple as that.
To read the texts that flowed in, one after the other, like a leaky faucet trying to fill a broken bucket and realize that the bucket is just that. Broken. There is no glue, no tape in the world to fix the bucket to make it go back in time and be what it used to be.
Of course, here, you have to realize I’m talking metaphors. If you haven’t already. I really wouldn’t be writing about a real broken bucket, would I? Not that interesting.
In those few moments that it took to send about fifty messages, the past slipped out of my fingers that I have been clutching so tightly and the best part was, I realized that all I needed to do to get rid of the animosity and hatred - basically all the negativity that was getting me down into the depths of darkness - was to just open my palm, just open my heart and let it all recede like the ebbing tide on a beautiful summer’s day.
With clear waters in sight, the world seemed a little more cheery, the horizon seemed a little brighter, the very people who had brought out the worst in me seemed a little nicer. And with a jolt I realized, it is all in the head…. it is all about who and what I choose to give control to. Control of my life, that is.
Demons are always going to be around, both ones that I can battle and ones that I need someone to help me battle. But for now, I will still munch on cookies, download Grey’s Anatomy, file 130% productivity at work each day, go for long walks, read more Greg Iles, laugh a lot at the most pointless of things and learn to make the perfect cup of hot chocolate.
***
I wrote this for myself a while ago. And guess what, I have almost perfected the hot chocolate :)
***
P.S: Lioness, Wings of Harmony and Blasphemous Atheste asked me why I disabled comments. I have been doing that for the past few posts because 1) I felt really bad about not replying to previous comments for a really long time - it was my way of atoning for it? By giving up precious comments and 2) I wanted to write for myself, just myself... because that's where I started from.
To read the texts that flowed in, one after the other, like a leaky faucet trying to fill a broken bucket and realize that the bucket is just that. Broken. There is no glue, no tape in the world to fix the bucket to make it go back in time and be what it used to be.
Of course, here, you have to realize I’m talking metaphors. If you haven’t already. I really wouldn’t be writing about a real broken bucket, would I? Not that interesting.
In those few moments that it took to send about fifty messages, the past slipped out of my fingers that I have been clutching so tightly and the best part was, I realized that all I needed to do to get rid of the animosity and hatred - basically all the negativity that was getting me down into the depths of darkness - was to just open my palm, just open my heart and let it all recede like the ebbing tide on a beautiful summer’s day.
With clear waters in sight, the world seemed a little more cheery, the horizon seemed a little brighter, the very people who had brought out the worst in me seemed a little nicer. And with a jolt I realized, it is all in the head…. it is all about who and what I choose to give control to. Control of my life, that is.
Demons are always going to be around, both ones that I can battle and ones that I need someone to help me battle. But for now, I will still munch on cookies, download Grey’s Anatomy, file 130% productivity at work each day, go for long walks, read more Greg Iles, laugh a lot at the most pointless of things and learn to make the perfect cup of hot chocolate.
***
I wrote this for myself a while ago. And guess what, I have almost perfected the hot chocolate :)
***
P.S: Lioness, Wings of Harmony and Blasphemous Atheste asked me why I disabled comments. I have been doing that for the past few posts because 1) I felt really bad about not replying to previous comments for a really long time - it was my way of atoning for it? By giving up precious comments and 2) I wanted to write for myself, just myself... because that's where I started from.
This post seems like a excerpt out of my life.. Well timed with what is happening with me.. I really miss your abstract posts and metaphors. You don't have to reply back to all that I comment :P
ReplyDeleteI will stand by if your decision is to disable comments. And I know how obligated it might have felt to respond, but don't be too hard on yourself. Love and loved ones are always around.
ReplyDeleteAnd the post - inspiring! I read it at the right moment I think! :-*
Nice to see this tab finally open :)
ReplyDeleteYayyyyyyyy, I'm so glad you are letting the past go. Believe me there are a lot more beautiful and chocolately things to come :D
Well, go ahead, disable them once more? I think the reasons were just, I could live with that. :P :D
ReplyDeleteP.S. Couldn't m-seal fix the broken bucket and caulk the leaks too?
Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete
So beautifully you've crafted your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI too wanted to say many things on your previous posts. Please never disable the comments again. It gives us an outlet to share, doesn't matter if you revert or not.
We are loyal, we read you because you write well. :)
True. Some times it is difficult to let go, but once we do, all the negativity flows out and we feel relieved. The world does seem brighter :-)
ReplyDelete