Summertime Sadness

When everything is just *this* far from perfect, when everything is just *this* far from complete, that feeling at the pit of the tummy and that blank space in the confines of the mind that leave you distracted and not in a good way but dreamy in definitely a good way. Is there a word for it? 

It is not as simple or exciting as "intriguing" but it is not as sad as "melancholic" either. 

 

I find it easy to lose myself in the world of the whimsical these days.... dreaming of summers by the beach, rainy days by the hearth, plenty of books and food and words and sitcoms. And cell phone signals.

It is probably because reality is stark, black and white and boring.

I'm not complaining, life IS good, I'm where I want to be.

But the heart always yearns for the stuff that quotes are made up of, dunnit?  

 

Between The Devil & The Deep Sea?

As the country is being swept by the NaMo wave, I read up on pogroms and on ethnic and religious targeting, wondering if the 563 million+ Indians who voted have done the right thing - will they get to see the strength of a superb business model without compromising on social liberalism? Right now, my dear motherland suffers from all the sickness that capitalism brings with it and her strong jog towards development, which was set in motion by freedom fighters who understood the true meaning of what it was to finally be a democracy, has slowed down to a painful limp. We still have third world problems like bad sanitation and lack of food, despite supposedly having left that stage decades ago. 

My friend convinces me with case in point, the development Gujarat has seen, and I wonder if I can dream of such development across states to help realize the dreams of harnessing all the potential the great nation has. But Pankaj Mishra spouts out the NaMo history and the negative obsession towards ‘minorities’ -  I start doubting the wisdom of putting a fanatic at the helm, one who is a lifelong member of a group which stands for everything that broad-minded, educated Indians are against. I strongly believe that the single, most powerful thing that can cause the country to burn is communalism arising from religious differences. And for someone like me who believes that faith is something that is extremely personal and nobody else's business, this is one of the worst tendencies to have as a leader of my country.

But what about the dynasts who we had shown faith in, the liberalists who allowed all the social freedom in the world? They failed us on such a grand scale that the world laughs and calls us a failure of the democratic mechanism which has been replaced with capitalist oligarchy.

Whatever it is, only time will tell whether the skeptics will have the satisfaction or the faith the country has show will be rewarded – in another five years we shall know where we stand. Neither is anything in my hands nor is it my cup of tea after having been apolitical all this while, but all I can hope is I will not have to give up and replace my Indian passport because I don’t feel safe bringing up my little sister and my baby girl here, in the country I love, in the biggest democracy of world.  

 

 

Testing 1, 2, 3

So I have tried a couple of things and I think the feed issue has been corrected. Gimme a shoutout if you can see this on your dashboard or blog reader thingys!

Unsent Letters

To the boy who has his nose buried in the books, 

Look up! The real world is as beautiful and as perfect as it is in those books. Sure, there is pain and there is disorder and chaos and more pain but when you look beyond it, there is greater happiness. Just like the pot of gold that the goblin planted for you to find. Read to fall in love with words, with expressions, not to escape reality.

- Me who used to hide behind books when life got hard. But never realized that the solution to the problems lay elsewhere.  

To the girl who falls in love too easily,

You have only one heart and piecing it together after it splinters for the nth time will hurt more than you can endure. Love as much as you want but protect the wee little heart – give that all-consuming, ever-lasting power to only those who really deserve it. But even if you don’t learn, I shall be around to put you back together.

- Me who likes to pretend to have a barricaded heart. And hides the marshmallow-like softness behind the façade of cynicism.

To the man with the coffee and the quick stride,

You have worked long and hard which is why the meeting will wait. You should lengthen the stride, slow it down a bit, let your coffee simmer down from the scalding hot that it is now. You gaze straight ahead but you see nothing more than the path in front of you – open your senses to the fresh green foliage, the earthy smell of the first rain, the spicy aroma from the chat stall and the incessant babble of the women around.

- Me who learnt to live better. But not before God numbered my days.

To the people who are obsessed with ‘finding love’,

If you don’t stop underselling yourself and overexpecting from others, if you don’t stop looking for something that is not meant to be found that easily, if you don’t let others’ happiness sway you in the wrong direction, if you don’t stop with the endless rounds of self-pity which help you spiral only in the downward direction, you will never be truly happy even if you do find the great love of your life. Let it happen when it happens. And leave it alone till it does.

- Me who has fallen in and out of ‘love’ a million, billion, trillion times. So much so that I don’t know what true love feels like.

To the pantry boy,

The genuine smile that you serve with your burnt tea is what will get you places.

- Me who doesn’t remember the faces of any other pantry boy. Except you.

To the married woman,

If you ever come by here, I want you to know that I’m proud to be someone you call ‘friend’. Right from the quiet maturity that everyone relies on to the art of dealing with the most difficult people that you seem to have mastered, I wonder how you do it. I love how you are not perfect and your husband is not perfect but together you are picture perfect. I want that for me and some day, will you grant me the honor of being my bridesmaid?

- Me who has found a role model in you.  

To the raindrops that caught me unawares on a Friday night,

The tumultuous events of the evening did nothing to dissipate from the pleasure you gave me – I felt the heat rise from my person and disappear into wisps in the strong winds that you brought with you and I truly understood the meaning of ‘water for the thirsty’. Stick around, won’t you?

- Me who hates the summer with all my heart. Despite all the fleeting summery feelings the season is supposed to bring with it.

To 2014,

Be nice to all those who are less than lucky. Be nice to all those who aren’t as blessed. Be nice to all those who need you to make things better. Be nice to those who suffer at the hands of Fate. Bring more hope as you go along as that alone will take us forward.

- Me who has had bad days in the year. But cannot really recall them.

To Perfection,

Stop being so elusive.

- Me whose hands you slip out of on an everyday basis.

The Month That Was.... April '14

So I have decided to bring back the MonthyMusings thingy that I used to do because of its very ‘Dear Diary’ feel :)

April, April, April. I loved you so.

I learnt that I am also capable of completing a challenge and that, single-handedly, makes April the best one so far. Yeah, it took a lot out of my day to come up with something decent everyday and I did cheat a tiny bit by scheduling some of the posts but the satisfaction of seeing all 26 posts up on the blog is beyond anything I have experienced in my blog life. I learnt to juggle a job, a social life and a blog which is no mean feat and I bow down to those who do it on a regular basis. Special thanks to all you lovely people who have commented on almost every single post, you know who you are!

I turned a year older and none the wiser. The birthday moment aka 12 a.m was spent with two verrra favoritest*  people which was definitely a highlight.

I learnt to firm my resolve and finally got myself a tattoo. It holds so much importance in my life and I'm just so very glad I chose Arpitha.

So its on my ankle and hence no decent pictures, bear with me. "Alis Volat Propriis"

I learnt that I have reached my outside-food-saturation-point and I’m desperate for home-cooked food now, to the extent of stealing colleagues lunches. Yeah, it took me five years to reach here. 

I learnt that I will never stop missing family this bad. Five long days with card games, Taboo, shopping, eating, pointless arguments and whatnot made me never want to come back to Bangalore again. 

I learnt that I am so past the new graduate phase and I’m seeing things, life, people differently – I’d like to think I’m much more easy-going that I was and I have learnt not to take things so seriously. On the other hand, I have had a couple of my infamous meltdown moments which I am growing too old for.  

And I learnt to write for myself again, which makes me less obsessed with everything else there is around here which in turn helps me think and write better. Always a good thing, yo :P AND I’ve found a billion nice blogs to read after a real long while.

Song on my mind: Happy!
New Food Paradise: Church Street Social
Obsession: The Song of Fire and Ice

Site: oneword

Quote:

And I need to keep repeating this to myself on a daily basis.

Plans for May: I’m doing the #fmsphotoaday on Instagram. Hopefully, I’ll be able to complete that one as well, come join me? I want to take up an art and crafts project of some kind. I also have imposed a social media/TV series (except GoT) ban for a month for the reason that I’m wasting a lot of time that I could be reading and then complain that I have no time, let’s see how that goes.

What’s up with you guys?

And I almost forgot, Ms. May, how you doin’? (:

*I reserve the right to make up and modify words on my own blog, creative license and all that :P