14 Things I Hate About You

14. I hate the way you look after a haircut; all that beautiful hair gone.
13. I hate the way you contort your face into so many different expressions; pleasantness replaced by grotesqueness.
12. I hate how patient you are; annoyingly so.
11. I hate how you drive my Activa; how the speedometer doesn’t go beyond the 40 kmph mark.
10. I hate it when you say those little white lies; winning an argument at any cost becomes priority.
9. I hate it when you are too lazy to text; you have gotten over the obsessive texting stage, you say.
8. I hate it when you make me change clothes; the reverse psychology on the shortness of my skirt is unbearable.
7. I hate how you don’t hold my hand for more than two seconds in public; decorum should go take a hike sometimes, you know?
6. I hate how long you take to put on your socks; really? Socks?
5. I hate it when you give me gyaan on road rage; he fucking overtook me from the left, that moron!! He deserves the finger.
4. I hate how my stomach drops when I see you in the distance; I anticipate the warmth of a bear hug.
3. I hate how you thought of making moong dal chat before I did; I’m supposed to be the recipe inventor and pamper-er, no?
2. I hate needing you to tell me that the murderer was just a nightmare, that I have better men in my life now, that I should stop thinking so much, that it’s normal to talk to mom for hours on end and abnormal to not like plum cake.

1. But what I really hate is the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

P.S: Shamelessly copied from the movie, but my version.