28 Jun 2011

The 'Epic-ness' of The Social Network


Claimer: Intended for those people who think it is about them.

Unrelated Statement: I’m 94.86% sure that I’m possessed by Facebook.
Reason I Think So: I can’t seem to go three minutes without logging in and logging out (even though I don’t do much else). This month has been the most inactive-on-FB one for me but it still shows up on my most visited tab.

On an entirely different note, I admit to being a FB stalker.  I go check out other people’s walls, people on their friends’ lists’ interesting posts, notes that they might have written and such (if that’s what stalking means). I don’t get what the big deal is, we used to do that on Orkut and Myspace and all those other networks and we do it on FB as well. You don’t? Hah. Are those your pants that just caught on fire, liar?


Anyway, moving one from my psychological-ownership-status and my creeping-people-out skills, have you ever noticed that people’s behavior changes drastically on FB? Like suddenly the world is filled with awesome, super-cool people with such happening lives going on such politically correct holidays with their perfect family/amazing friends. Even their problems are hep and makes you go ‘ooooh, I wish I had that one’. And all the girls have that perfect pout that makes you wonder if you missed The Pout Revolution. There’s a trend pattern, I suppose.

I have decided to make a list of the top five actions on FB that peeve me out so much that I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. So here goes:

5) The Like-rs.

See, it’s ok if you actually like the picture or link or whatever. But to do it just to start a conversation with that guy/girl is just lame. When I find people who have liked almost every picture/link/update in every album/wall of every friend on my list (and theirs), my respect for the ones who NEVER like ANYTHING grows.

(These ones never like because they are too cool to like mere mortal stuff, which is another story altogether.)


4) The ‘Abundant’ Photo Albums.

O.k, so you went on vacation. We, unlike you, are not interested in seeing 3 photos of you absent-mindedly digging your nose or 5 photos of the sand by the beach. We are: 
(i) already familiar with the shape and size of boogers (thank you VERY much) and 
(ii) familiar with the texture and feel of beach sand; some of us have actually been there as well, you know.
A trip to your chacha’s biwi’s brother’s once removed cousin’s gaon does NOT warrant an album of 226 photos.

And we definitely don’t want pictures of your eyes, hands or other body parts, especially not feet. We’re familiar with the concept of Converse too.


Also, try and take pictures of the vacation for the sake of preserving the memory, which is what photos are for in the first place, rather than taking photos to establish your ‘cool’ factor on FB.  

3) ‘Check Inbox’

(Note: I admit that I have been guilty of this one)
If you have EVER sent or received a personal message on FB, you will know that when you have a new message, a red notification appears over your inbox icon. You don’t specifically have to go and wall the concerned party to ‘check inbox’ and make sure that you make everybody on both your lists burn from the knowledge of not knowing the ‘scoop’. No need for the excessive put-on secrecy about a non-happening.

2) The ‘Me’ Albums

Ah, this is my pet peeve. The first time I saw an album titled ‘Me’, I thought maybe the person was asked by an online friend to post a few pictures of themselves so that they could see what he/she looks like. I was gravely mistaken.

I have people on my list who have albums of 100+ photos of ONLY themselves in different poses, photoshoped, tinted, altered and whatnot. I can’t help gape at the sheer i-am-searching-for-an-appropriate-word: Narcissus himself takes a backseat to them. If you have the time to put in THAT much work on that album, then you are even more jobless than I am and that is really saying something.


And you know what’s worse? When other people copy the ‘idea’ and come up with one of their own. End result = feed filled with weird preens and fake pouts. All this has me thinking five times before I upload one picture and I do not know how much more of this I can take before I decide to deactivate my account for good.

1) The Frandship Requests  

My privacy settings are pretty tight, so the only way to contact me is to inbox. Turns out, it is A Bad Idea.


(Note: The following copied directly from my inbox)
“You are look so butiful in profile ya. Can v be friendship request?”
“Hey gurl wanna friendship be with me”
“If u dont mind may i add ur friend list???????”
“aah.. bt jus experienci ppls..!!! bein ma frien?” ( I have to this date not worked out what that means.)

Even,
“Hi, can I join your friendship?” to which I couldn’t resist but say "Dude, you sure you want to JOIN it?" to which he replied "Ok sorry madam.i m not that type of Boy just i like Ur profile that's why i requested Ur friendship.trust me.Forgive me please"

I swear to God that that convo is as real as I love chocolates.

One guy even had the audacity to say, “Hey, send me request”. I asked him if I knew him from somewhere to which he said, “No, but I want to seeing your collage fotos”.

Kill me. With a serrated knife.

Ah, us weird humans.





23 comments:

  1. THIS IS YOUR BEST POST EVERR!!


    And, I so agree. With every freaking word.
    I'm possessed by FB too BTW.
    Also dont forget the Facebook couples who seem to cant stay without saying I love you and all the mushy talk for even 10 secs. UGH

    And, the height of stupidity is people tagging themselves in their photos in the albums named 'It's me'
    Yeah, like we didnt know it was you :|

    P.S- I do that 'Check Inbox' thingy just for fun :P

    Awesome post BTW. :D
    keep writing, you :)

    xx

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  2. hehehe..hahahahahahaha...This is too good! FB has lost its charm i tell you... I login a few times everyday but its becoming BORING to see these kind of updates from people!
    The ones that peeve ME off the MOST are 'the likes', the 'me albums' and ofcourse... how can i not mention all those 'fraaandship requests'!!!

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  3. “Hi, can I join your friendship?” to which I couldn’t resist but say "Dude, you sure you want to JOIN it?" - Literally rolling over laughing :D

    P.S: Is there a TONIC i can drink to increase my sense of humor? Yours seems to be on a steady rise!

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  4. The most irritating ones are they who tag me in mindless photos that I'm not even a part of. One guy tagged me in a pic of Tomato Rice that he had made! And I had to endure notifications of losers going over and commenting "Wow!! Lookzzzzz yumm!!" "Awesummmmm!! When are you making for me!" After about 30 notifications, I untagged myself. I know what tomato rice looks like even otherwise.

    Another guy, who I once went to school with and have barely spoken 20 words with in all of 10 years, tagged me in his wedding pic. Which I didn't get invited to. Oh wait, that's not right. I got an FB Invite. Now, isn't that like the biggest deal ever!! I wish them all the luck in the world, but I definitely don't want notifications of people commenting "Luvly cpl! God blezzzz!"

    And worse than the compulsive 'like'rs are the one who like their own status, comments, pics and what not. L-O-S-E-R.

    And hey, you gotta admit, the 'Me' albums are hilarious! :D I get so much sadistic pleasure out of going through them and laughing my guts out over "Me at home" "me relaxing" "Cooooooooooool meeeeeeeee" "Chilling out" "Me in different style" (which by the way, will have the person wearing sunglasses that you get for 50 bucks on the roadside and posing like they're on the cover of Vogue). They make for a great pastime. ;)

    Ok, comment almost as long as post. FULL STOP.

    Great post!

    Ok ok! I'm going!

    ReplyDelete
  5. As I have stated before, You are hilarious!! But this post is exactly why I try hard to not "deactivate" my account for good. However, my privacy settings are pretty shit :P I dont get any "frandship" requests. BUT! I hate the "likers." Secret feelings for people will show when one person likes every single photo or link or post of the other. "Love is brewing" :P The worst has to be the pouters and the abundant photo albums. my god. I think ten times before uploading a profile photo :P

    Anyway, Love your post (its becoming a habit) :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. @ Polo, thanks girl...:) to quote you, *grinslikeanidiot* xD I don't know why I love that so much:D

    Ah, I forgot the couples part. *guilty look* actually I'm part of that as well but I try not to be a loser mushhead... :|

    Ha, ha, I'm glad you agree because nobody else seems to have a problem with it.. And I have to endure 500+ 'me' albums x\

    P.S- Tee, hee, me too actually:P

    Thank you:)

    @ Chandana,first of all that's a beautiful name you have:)

    Gah, boring seems just about right. How long can you poke/wall/inbox anybody/everybody?

    Put up some of your fraandship requests too and make my day:P

    @ Ashwin, lol, I'm glad I had that effect.

    P.S: Thanyyyynks:D Actually, there is. Not a tonic but a 'thing'. Eat chocolates obsessively 24x7, talk about chocolate all the time and dream about chocolate:P And temme how it works out xD

    @ Spaceman Spiff, wow and I thought my comments are long:)you delight me, oh, kindred soul. Thanks a ton for taking the time out, not many people do.

    Dayum, I forgot the tagging. That is one *major* annoyance.

    It's become fashionable to have a FB event invite to your wedding na. Old world respect and sentiments usuually associated with a wedding - out the window.

    :D HAHA they are, let's not get started on that one... One girl even had an excuse for liking her own status - "Obviously I like my own update, otherwise why would I even put it up" :P Had me in splits.

    Gahaha, you are funny. Yeah, they are. When I'm in FB-possessed-mode, all I do is look at them and Mum thinks I'm mental to be laughing at the computer screen:D.

    Thanks so much:D

    @ Srinidhi, you.are.awesome:) for being so loyal.

    Thanks. Yeah, brewing alright, the crushes use the 'like's to start up convos:P

    :P It's a good habit, one that makes me happy.. God bless you for that :D

    ReplyDelete
  7. SO true!!! I'm addicted to the snaps, friendship requests, and wall posts..I do get to be a part of the 'Likers' group now and then..but what irritates me are the Questions about you and unnecessary ranking tagging..grr...hate it! great thought for a post...

    ReplyDelete
  8. As the many other point out!

    wuunderrphool post medam! Frandship me join you? (i got tht one time)

    About the ME album..i second you! How i hate to see the face pics in different angles..and sometimes same angles but different colour shades!

    God!
    i loved this post a lot!

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  9. Me album is a slap to the trait narcissism. And fraandship request reflects the despos waiting on the other side of the sphere.

    ReplyDelete
  10. thank fully i never get those 'fransip' requests...but me too hate the tags.....uuuggghhhh....and yes..i also admit being fb stalker ....heeee...love to see what people do on fb....not to forget the 'ME' albums....ahahahahah....they really amuse me....such narcissists...

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  11. @ Fiducia, yes, the unnecessary ranking IS painful, to put it lightly. Thanks:)

    @ Red Handed, hello, my pretty-eyed-girl-who-insists-on-making-them-creepy:P thank you..

    Where exactly is this bloody 'frandship' club they all want to join? Do lemme know if you find it OR a cure for the 'me albums':D

    @ Prateek, slap, yeah... That poor man was forced, who's forcing these people, na? And the despos, sheesh, when do they plan on getting a life?
    Thank you so much for dropping by:)

    @ HijiBijBij, welcome back, Mademoiselle:)ah, makes me wish I had your a/c:P And Hi5 on being a fellow-stalker:D

    @ Abimanyu, thanks:)
    Keep dropping in...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hahaaa this is too good !!!

    I used to bombarded by this frandship requests in orkut, but only once in a while in FB...

    ANother thing I find annoying is how people post pics of their kids every move !!
    "oh my honeybun with his report card, got an A"
    "my pumpkin enjoying his bath"
    "at the beach in his new swimsuit"
    "at a playdate holding hands with his friend Alice" to which there were comments like "Oh choo chweet", "look at them they are ready to get married", "awwww they make such a nice pair" For Gods sake that kid was barely 2 yrs old !! I bet if that same kid after 25 yrs comes home with a 'gori' bride everyone would go bonkers

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  13. @ desimom, welcome and hoped you liked my blog:)

    Thank you..
    If you haven't then that puts you in a very enviable position:)

    LoL, that's a good one, we get that they are proud of their kids but we don't want them in our feed ALL the time:| And I hate it when adults treat kids like adults - dressing them up in adult-y dresses, teaching them to take part in grown up talk et al. Kids should be left alone to enjoy their childhood; it's a pretty horrible world they are growing up into anyway...

    Thanks for commenting:)

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  14. HAHAHA..this is great!! Okay, I usually don't do this, but I have written something similar about Facebook men and their weirded out friendship requests (http://serenadingserendipity.blogspot.com/2011/03/dummies-guide-to-befriending-lady.html).

    It's something slightly similar to yours, so I can definitely relate.

    Serrated knife just won't do, you'll need a really blunt serrated knife. =)

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  15. @ Darsh, thanks:D Heading over now...

    And yeah, I'm starting to think about blunt knife as well:P

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  16. OMg priyanka... this one was damn Funny!! Especially the fraandship requests part :) Oh yes since the time social networking started existing - We've been facing this! Good Go!!

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  17. @ AnjLi, get back AND POST THE LETTERS girl! I have been waiting:)And thanks!

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  18. @ AnjLi, get back AND POST THE LETTERS girl! I have been waiting:)And thanks!

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  19. Hahaaa this is too good !!!

    I used to bombarded by this frandship requests in orkut, but only once in a while in FB...

    ANother thing I find annoying is how people post pics of their kids every move !!
    "oh my honeybun with his report card, got an A"
    "my pumpkin enjoying his bath"
    "at the beach in his new swimsuit"
    "at a playdate holding hands with his friend Alice" to which there were comments like "Oh choo chweet", "look at them they are ready to get married", "awwww they make such a nice pair" For Gods sake that kid was barely 2 yrs old !! I bet if that same kid after 25 yrs comes home with a 'gori' bride everyone would go bonkers

    ReplyDelete
  20. Greattt post ... lots of annoying things about FB which annoyed us but haven't been put down to paper before .

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am very much dormant on FB. Recently I reactivated my FB account cuz i wanted to make a FB page for my blog. And also I was tired of people giving me the looks when i said that i was not on FB.
    Great post.
    And just bcuz i am commenting on your old post does not mean that i am stalking you( or am I? o_O ).
    And LOOOOOVING the Banner Darlin.
    ta taa

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  22. Hahahahahahaaa.
    The best one was that sorry ma'am , I'm not that type of a guy, LOL. What was he even saying?!! =P
    Now that I'm done with almost 15 posts, I'm going to go away and pretend I have something useful to do in life,okay?
    Taadaaaaz xx

    ReplyDelete

Go on, you can say it.