18 Sep 2011

When The Dust Settles...


You know that period when all the initial excitement in a relationship has faded?
You are past bending over backwards for his every little need, you get over daydreaming of various scenarios of the future, you get over marveling the way his melting brown eyes seem to twinkle at one of your inside jokes?
When he’s done wearing crisp shirts and reverts back to his grunge look, when he’s past centering you in his world and starts becoming vague during one of your endless yakking sessions?
The seemingly endless hours on the phone starts dwindling to just an hour at night?


That’s when the real mettle of the relationship is tested.

You feel he’s changed.
Earlier all he needed was you. Now he’s finding a way to balance his social life with you. Earlier he used to be supportive of every little thing you do, even painting your nails black. Now he questions the sanity of getting that fourth piercing you always wanted. Earlier he never felt the need to talk to other girls, not even friends. Now he justifies his need to have female friends just as you do.
Earlier he loved every dress you put on, his eyes shone when you twirl around after spending hours dressing up for him.


 Now you neither feel the need to dress up nor does he notice.

Masks come off.
Faults become apparent, ones that you previously saw but conveniently chose to ignore.
Fights become the order of the day. Not the cute ones, the ones where you ‘roothify’ and he ‘manaofies’. The real, bitter fights.
Monotonous patterns of conversations set in.
Egos start clashing.

Somewhere between all the name-calling, crying, hating and tentative making up, you reach a point where you question the meaning of your relationship.

You drag on with all the doubts in your head, first trying to recapture the magic swearing to yourself that it’s just a phase and you’ll get over the rough patch, later resign to the fact that it’ll never be the same again.

You wonder what you are doing wrong. What he’s doing wrong.

Then one chilly day, your world is knocked over. You are rudely awakened to the fact that your world is not cozy and all people are not angels like you believe them to be. You get the worst end of a crappy deal, you lose friends and your family very nearly disowns you. You realize that pain can sap the life out of you, that you can feel your insides dying slowly.


You go through the worst nightmare of your life and come out the other end, fragile and shaken to your very roots.

He sees you at your worst, sees you make mistakes and stumble, sees you broken and curled up into a tight ball of hurt and he stood by, holding you, saying nothing. 

You gave him the option of walking away, he chose not to take it.
Instead he stuck like a burr to your side.

And you realize that the only hand that held on tight to yours and never let go, was his. The only shoulder you leant in on without having to worry about betrayal, was his. The only person who even listened to what you had to say, was him. The only one who defended you, like a tiger protecting his pride from the hyenas, was him.

And he says, we’ll get through this. We will.
Not ‘you’. But ‘we’.

That’s when you know that it’s not the rosy tinted glasses and the eternally mushy blog posts that make up love. It’s not the sweet-nothings or the wild want that makes up love. It’s not the talking on the phone 24x7 and knowing where the other is all the time that makes up love. It’s not even the frequent ‘I love you’s’, the diminishing numbers of which had you worried. 
Nope, all that might be part of what makes it beautiful but it's most certainly not love.


Love is that when you know it’s much more.
Love is when you go through fire and emerge as two halves of a whole.

P.S: I'm not going through any dark pain, unless you count a nagging headache and this is not my personal story or anything:P This was supposed to be a mushy love story, just ended up veering a bit to the dark side.

54 comments:

  1. Love is that when you know its much more. So very true!
    You are great in laying emotions down!! Beautiful!

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  2. Bang on the money as usual DK(Cant resist calling you that :P).It didnt seem like a overdose of Mush, rather seemed pretty rational to me.

    All these things can be experienced in singledom as well, only there they are called our Go-to Friends. I`ve been blessed to have a few of them around me.

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  3. To the point. Every line is gripped with honesty and reality. MARVELOUS priyanka!

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  4. Really touchy post :)

    especially
    "You gave him the option of walking away, he chose not to take it.
    Instead he stuck like a burr to your side."

    "And he says, we’ll get through this. We will.
    Not ‘you’. But ‘we’."

    LOVE is divine !!

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  5. PV...your doing it again...how is it that you have access to my grey cells? I couldn't meet the boy today, and we meet usually only on the weekends, cause he is with his uncle who is in the ICU...I hate hospitals and I would never do that for anybody so I am inordinately proud that I have such a lovely human being for a partner, but a teensy part of me is upset that I couldn't meet him...I sat from 7 p.m. thinking about our relationship and then patterns in general.. couldn't get stupid Reliance data card to work...when finally I did thought I'd first other posts and you managed to freak me out again.. I even have this line 'Now you neither feel the need to dress up nor does he notice.' in this form 'The will to deck up only for him is long gone and neither does he insist on it'...What do you think? Should we get ourselves examined ;)

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  6. Dawwww that was beautiful :)

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  7. lt's about 'we' and 'much more'...
    luv just is...

    nice one

    Cheers!
    SUB
    http://khonjtheeternalsearch.blogspot.com/

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  8. This is a perfectly balanced, 'sensible' post :D The way you warned us in your last piece, I thought I would be greeted with an explosion of pink, peppered with flibbertigibbets like how you held hands in the rain and saw a very romantic centipede etc etc, but it is indeed a fine and realistic view of romance. Hats off! :)

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  9. :-)

    If only everyone could try veering a bit to the dark side. Then at least people would come to understand the reality of it rather than being in a fantasy world and breaking down (or up) in times of crisis. :-)

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  10. What a beautiful post. I loved reading this even though it was kinda sad ;/

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  11. A very harsh, terrible but common experince beautifully put down down into words,

    Kudos.

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  12. Nice one! Unfortunately, Hollywood loves to portray love as this wonderful rosy thing 24x7 but reality is different. I do know people who subscribe to what movies and TV depict though and unfortunately then, start to see flaws in the relationship when things like yo u describe start to happen.

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  13. :) I love it! Realistic and sensible - just the way i like it!

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  14. And I loved it...Love is when you accept your partner unconditionally with all the warts, the not so pleasant traits. And love should never be taken for granted.

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  15. I'm in a particularly crappy frame of mind where all I want to say is "bah!" at the mention of love(remember the ex I was talking about? He has written an entire post bitching about me. I feel so honoured).

    So I'll just keep mum rather than say something nasty and spoil your post. :/

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  16. Aw! This is so cute, though i've never had a boyfriend :P Indian parents.

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  17. Oh love is all about "we".

    Love this post. This was something that I had. Sighh!

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  18. MY blog shows how love should be. B)

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  19. "Love is that when you know it’s much more.
    Love is when you go through fire and emerge as two halves of a whole." Wow, these lines gonna resonate in my ears for weeks together now :)

    It's indeed much beyond than just saying I love you :)

    Love, Risha :)

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  20. So true... So wise. Love is all about "We" and being there for one another at their worst times. Knowing that you have some one to lean on if and when the need arises and knowing that we will be there for them come what ever..Have been married 6 years and can totally relate to this ..

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  21. Yes This is what I believe in. This is what I'd want. When all the novelty has faded and all the masks have been removed, I want this. Touche!


    Kudos!
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  22. OMG PeeVee this was BRILLIANT...I absolutely loved it... In fact I've totally gone through that phase where I've had stupid ideas of letting go.. But then it's just a part of it.. and guess what he was the only one who stood by me every time... And now I just don't think too much.. following the instincts :) ... Gosh this was sweet :)..

    P.S. Pay a visit to my blog. You've been awarded. :)

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  23. Priyankaaaa!
    I never wanted this very post to end. Why did you end it so soon? Through your words i saw a whole reality developing in front of me. The reality that looks like exactly the way your explained. The reality exactly the way i believe now. I don't know if it happens this easily or not, or everyone stands up and holds you when you wake up from that nightmare, cause if it could happen this easily, suffering would've been extinct for long.
    Love is bright in the beginning and then gets all gloomy. But does the sun arrive again? Does the sun arrive everyday?
    I hope what you said there was a utter truth. I so want it to be, but then i lack beliefs. And i lack believe in Love. I don't believe in it cause i dread the nightmare part you explained, cause love DOES diminish with time. It's like the most fleeting emotion on the face of this emotional globe.
    I so don't want to stop writing cause this is what this post made me do.
    I love you and I love the words you say.
    Can i keep this post in my diary?
    Please say yes.

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  24. Completely agree with every word that you wrote! And a personal experience too :P!!

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  25. crude this was :) I have been thru it all , And this makes so much sense to me. especially the closing line :) its much more than what u think it... :) Loved it !

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  26. Wow. Brought back such bitter sweet memories from years past. Love the way you weave words. They let me sway with them.

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  27. Your words just penetrated deep within me.
    That was a lovely post.

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  28. @ Red, your always first!:D Thanks babe:)

    @ Atrocious Scribblings, :P DK is good, DK is decent. Maintain:P
    Really? Not mush? Atleast I don't have to be scared of alienating my male readers:D
    :) Yes, and count yourself lucky for very few are.

    @ AKILA VENKAT, thank you so much milady:)

    @ Reicha Ahluwalia, it truly is:) Thank you so much.

    @ Pinx, or rather we should adopt each other:D One more teeny similarity? I have Reliance too, lame point though;)

    Prayers for his uncle and don't worry sweetie, maybe he'll surprise you with a mid-week meet up soon? Or maybe next weekend will be here before you can say 'Chocolate'.. How's that:)

    @ Mark, thanks:)

    @ SUB, thanks dude:) Nice you agree.

    @ Hazel, :)

    @ Sushmit, a romantic centipede:D ROTFL.
    Maybe I should do one like that just to read your comment on it:D
    And thank you:)

    @ Shobhit, so true. The dark side carries so much truth. But then we refuse to see it until it's thrust upon us.

    @ normal.is.overrated, aww, it ended well didn't it:) Thank you..

    @ cosmic_wanderer, thank you so much. New here na? WElcome:)

    @ Psych Babbler™, yes, that's ACTUALLY why I felt the need to pen this down for life is always not 'happily ever after'.

    @ Chandana, *hugs* thanks milady:)

    @ Purba di, thank you so much. Means a lot coming from you:)

    @ Divya, yes, I have decided to not keep calling you Spiff for now it seems just plain ridiculous.
    One single question to your comment: What happened to the one who sang on your birthday?:) Smile now, after one single deep breath. And if you'd want it, I'd be glad to bitch on your behalf about him. Just say the word. Serious.

    @ Bhadrawr, :P What nationality do you think I am?

    @ Soumya, :) there's something about your sigh that makes me happy with what I have written:) Thank you.

    @ Ovais, to each his own love is the best:)

    @ Ashwin, what exactly? And long time, no see?-_-

    @ Risha, :) really? Aww, thanks <3

    @ Sunitha, that comment made me smile, especially the 'married for six years' part. Now I know that I did something right:) Thank you for that.

    @ BA, thank you Sire. So you actually like this one a wee bit for this is the only time you have agreed entirely with me:)

    @ confused soul, so glad you could relate girl! And thank you so very very berry much <3

    @ KN., DUDE, you make me grin with happiness, the stuff you say:) <3 Every single comment:)

    Yes, the sun arrives and everyday as well. But only the love is true and you both love each other the same way.
    Belief has to come with time, time is the greatest component here. The nightmare part has to be nightmarish only if it was never meant to be. Otherwise it'll just be a blip on the radar.
    Love does diminish, but the bond and the companionship don't. Which is why he has to be your best friend first.
    I love you too sweetheart and this is not just replying to your comment but being truthful for you are the most honest, sincere, genuine, 20-so-soon person I have met online:)
    Thank you so much...
    And it would only be an honor to be featured in your diary:)

    @ Deepthi, :) thanks..

    @ anjLi, crude? O.k that hurt-_- In what way?
    And thanks!:)

    @ Zeba, lets sway together:)

    @ Live2Cherish, thank you so very much:)

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  29. The one who sang for me is the reason I haven't lost complete faith in men and love.

    And the other one is not worth bitching about. He's so thick-skinned, in comparison, it'll seem as though a rhino uses moisturiser regularly. :/

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  30. I know you're not going through any such period and still you captured and analysed the relationship so well. I don't love your work for nothing ;)
    It wooes me. I'm not lying. It flirts ;)

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  31. This totally happens. So happens!!

    It may sound like a sexist comment, but I think, a man makes a relationship! I wouldn't say who breaks it, but mostly a man would make a relationship and take it to much strength.

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  32. Soooo true!! and i've been through this phase and i'm glad its over.. :| .. We started out young.. got bored.. kinda grew up and finally dreaming about our future together.. :)
    Trust.faith.patience.fights.LOVE! :)

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  33. I was under the impression I commented on this post :\ Anyway, love is when despite everything you know everythings gonna be alright :) :) :)

    'Love'ly post :D

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  34. I have been in my relationship for 4 years now, know all about what you talking. :)
    I love the way you write gurl!

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  35. YEs you are right .. thats when you get to know the real him/her... and you both are lucky :)

    all the best wishes you way

    lovely post take carea nd keep smiling ...

    Bikram's

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  36. @ Divya, ah, see there's the silver lining. Or rather the whole cloud should be silver now and the black should be the lining...erm.. You get it? And I'm sorry but I couldn't snort at the rhino part:D

    @ ~Serendipity~, aww:) that makes me keyboard and my blog preen:D

    @ Chintan, mmm, maybe a 50-50 role would be my bet?:)

    @ Dr.Rekha Jithin, thank you:)

    @ Viya, yours is prolly one of the very, very few stories that made it out of adolescence. Proud. Impressed. ADMIRATION.
    :)

    @ Srinidhi, never mind, there you are:D
    Thanks:)

    @ Karishma,thanks milady:) SO glad you could relate:)

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  37. I am so sorry I am commenting late!!! :| This post!!! At one point my heart had started to thud...the pain, the torrents of emotions and then you steered it back to the sweet arms of love! :D :D I love the pseudo-mush you write. :D It's like Dark chocolate, a little sweet, a little bitter :) :)

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  38. Well, for those quintessentially pink and red couples, even Jason Voorhees (from 'Friday the 13th') armed with a bazooka and a grenade seems to be cuddly and cute, so... :P

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  39. This is my first time, wait, second time, visiting your blog. The last time I was here I didn't have the time to stop by and read anything per se.

    Thank Sadiya for advertising your fantastic posts, yes, that's how I got here.

    This post for me, was about a common high-schoolish/college romantic indulgence but it was punctuated with honest thoughts and somewhat personal ideas or so it seemed. I must've liked it else I wouldn't read every single other post on your home page :P

    I also loved your pets! That post adds life to the blog; in fact, I imagine your world to be quite exhausting, running after and taking care of so many pets, in a good way though, they're adorable.

    fyi: sending the link to my darling boyfriend! LOL

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  40. well written, must say. but every stage of a relationship has a beauty of its own. the initial stage is beautiful cos its 'the initial stage'
    but then the two people mature into the relationship. they know each other much more. 'i luv u' is not needed to be said, cos its always understood. in fact its said more through the eyes than through the lips in the later stages of the relationships.
    and fights in relationships have a beauty of their own. without them, relationships get boring. but then at least one of the two should be mature enough to understand that any fight, no matter how big, is important enough to be taken seriously.
    and people never change in relationships. what happens is the two people then know each other much more, and hence they get the feeling that the other person has changed.
    i really liked ur post. i always like reading stuff that makes me think. :)
    following this one.
    and yeah, no matter what you say, im never sharing my chocolate with you. ;-)

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  41. I loved every word you wrote. :] ...
    Too good.
    You just got a new stalker.

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  42. oh my my, i loved this! you write so well :')

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  43. LOVED. THE. POST!
    So so so soooooooooooooo true!
    Second this 100000x times!

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  44. Excellent post. All mushy and sweet! I love your choice of words and how it flows so well! I see a novelist in the making :)

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  45. @ MSM, thanks girl!!:)

    @ Sushmit, true that:D

    @ Richi, glad you did and glad you like it:)

    High-schoolish? Really? o_O
    And here I thought that depth in feelings came with age.

    @ kalpak n, satya vachan... thank you so much:D
    And meanie-_- sharing is caring:P

    @ Nia Charms, erm.. you have been quite an old stalker..

    @ sugarmouse, aww, thanks!!:)

    @ Blahblaholic, thanks:)

    @ Kiran, you flatter me milady:) Thank you so much..

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  46. Now that is a lesson for every teenager who thinks he is head over heels in love. :D :D

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  47. Love is when it is much more than just the constant lovey dovey texts or cozy phone calls..
    So very true:)

    I can't begin to explain how much I loved and could relate to this post:)

    I super-love this:D

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  48. I do not undratnd this part of emotions that well. But to put up human emotions into words. Thats a great deal..:-)

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  49. I totally loved it.This is my first visit to your blog and i guess i am going to keep coming back.I can completely relate to everything you have written.Love is when you enter fire and come out as halves of a whole.BEAUTIFUL!

    Upasana
    http://myblawghh.blogspot.com

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  50. @ Abhishek Ranjith, if only they'd stop and think:)

    @ Priyanka Kamath, glad you like it, namesake:)

    @ Kanthu, thank you:)

    @ Upasana, welcome, please do.
    Thank you!!

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  51. straight from the experienced heart.
    I know Im commenting late.
    But good articles are better read late then never.
    :)

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Go on, you can say it.