18 Jan 2012

Crumbs...

I just stand there, restricting my person to a side for I did not want to make ripples in the flow. They swarm like bees around me… walking in their own chosen groups, sometimes even alone.

They all afford me only passing glances, some direct, some surreptitious… I’m nothing to them, just one more in the shifting crowd that rarely looks at a face a second time. To them I’m just another girl in an ordinary kurta and scuffed jeans with a lot of baggage, boredom clearly coloring my tired features as I wait for my ride. They pass me by from all directions; each lost in their own world, each with their own pressing worries, problems, needs and lives.
It amazes me, the sheer volume.

I spot patterns… The mother with the toddler who screams for a cheap balloon; she is helpless as her explanations about his father getting him a ‘better’ toy fall on deaf ears. Why? The child does not comprehend the divide or the difference between himself and his scrawny, unkempt contemporary who forces me to buy safety pins so he can buy a balloon from the unrelenting seller who knows no charity.

I also notice the young couple on the way home. How do I know they aren’t married? I can see dreams of a union in both their eyes, distant but shimmery and very real. A pang shoots through me as does a silent prayer to The Puppeteer to keep them happy. After he carefully puts the last golguppa in her waiting mouth handing her his pristine white hanky while reaching for his wallet to pay the nonchalant vendor. Her implicit trust in him is palpable as is his iron belief in what they have together; he never once lets go of her hand in the crushing crowd. At least not until they flit out of my horizon along with a countless others. My mind wanders to another couple… I wonder how things are with them.

I see the groups of friends. They are almost always disjointed for one of them almost certainly has an unresolved tiff with another. And one of the girls has always fallen for the wrong guy. But they always skim over the surface and pretend the under currents don’t exist for they are at a place where independence rules their heads and responsibility rears its ugly head from the near future.

Then there are the families. The father tries really hard to control his women from running amok among the silks and stones that beckon them from the grandiose show windows. He shudders visibly at the thought of this bank balance depleting before he can say ‘card swipe’.

It’s like I can almost hear their voices…

“Damn, this is expensive… But I want this so bad!”
“My feet hurt like crazy but she doesn’t seem to want to stop…”
“I don’t remember if I switched off the gas, should I call Lalitha and ask her to check?”
“Ugh, drivers today have no ethics, why the hell did that ass overtake from the right!”
“This is half my savings! But maybe tonight she will….”

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to make it stop. I want to end this existence”


Is it what I think it is?! Stunned, I spin around to see who that thought had emanated from. What I expected to see, I don’t know, but a sea of human bees buzz back at me… the voice I heard lost among their million voices. I take a few steps in the direction I think the thought came from – for what, I don't know. Maybe I can help alleviate the depression that surrounds her life with a few of my own sob stories… make her realize that other people have worse problems than whatever demons she faces. If nothing, I can tell her she isn’t alone. This was not the answerBut the voice, the thought, is already lost to me.

The signal changes and my ride chooses that precise moment to arrive. “Get on. Fast. The traffic police will give me an unnecessary ticket if I park here,” she says, urgently. I hesitate, still hoping I could spot The Voice. I reluctantly swing a foot over the seat, never once taking my eyes of the crowd; I had some weird notion that I will recognize her even though I had not seen her. As we blend in with the traffic, I keep scanning the faces all the way till the sidewalk ends and then some.

But sometimes, search as one might, you never find what you’re looking for, for some things in the Universe are to be left alone.

I really didn’t want her to be alone, though. I really hope she is okay.

54 comments:

  1. hey after so long re. great post which was awaited.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know :( too long... Thank you :)

      Delete
  2. I usually walk alone in the streets but I have never ever concern on what is happening around me. I am just lost in my own thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahh.... But people-watching is fun! For one, it gives you great material for writing :P

      Delete
    2. lol, that you said is the true thing. It gives you great material to writing. :D

      Delete
  3. boy was that a SHERLOCK moment or what! you have a way with words if i havent said this already.story out of absolutely nothing. NAAAICE!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey! I love the way you write.. !
    ANNNNDDDDD.. I secretly always wished that you read my blog.. because I adore the way you write your's! and then I stumble upon Ayushi's post and I saw that she had linked me in it.

    ANNNNNNNNNDDD..then I read your comment on one of my posts! ( I read it today).. I have never been so delighted! I had almost given up writing but I think I'll take up the pen again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! If I'd had better sense I would have dropped by sooner.... I love the way you play with words too!
      And blasphemy!! How can you even think of stopping? Even if you give up your blog, never give up writing.... Ever.
      If you do, I spam your inbox with nonsense :P

      Delete
  5. Well now I'm hoping she's okay too. I don't think anyone should ever be truly alone though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes and I feel vaguely guilty that I didn't make more efforts to find who she was...

      Delete
  6. Hey you're back. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "you have a way with words" :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank God u are back.. Checking ur blog now and then, getting disappointed to see that post written longgggg back, and wondering if I should mail and ask !!!! of late i have asked many if they fail to post every week. Had u not posted, you wold have surely seen ma mail in ur inbox today ;)

    And yeah.. i almost do the same things when I am in a crowd. and i make up conversations hypothetically too. this usually happens while waiting for my turn at docs, standing in a long queue at temples and all. :) I could connect with your thoughts, PeeVee :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry :\ stupid internet and all that jazz..
      Glad you connect, Jane..

      Delete
  8. Whooaaa!
    This is beautiful!
    The way you spin words, it's amazing.
    And yeah, people watching is loads of fun.
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is pretty abstract and you've made it quite interesting for me; this is certainly a first.

    I smell maturity written all over it. All grown up, are we? :P

    Great to have you back.

    Cheers :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My, my. That's the second 'are you grown up' comment. I must have my head checked:P

      Thank you and its, as always, awesome to be back:)

      Delete
  10. I hope she's okay too...and hey welcome back!

    ReplyDelete
  11. good ot see you back..

    nice and a interesting story :)
    maybe next time you can make her OK :)

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not a story Bikram but thanks :)

      Delete
  12. I love how detailed the descriptions are, lovely usage of words and it really gets one involved you know, like whats going on types. I seriously adore your writing. <3 <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I missed your buns!! Thank you, girlie..

      Delete
  13. Naaiiiccceee post peevee (priyanka)

    auankitha.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome here, Ankitha :)
      Thank you...

      Delete
  14. And sometimes observing others is in itself more fascinating than reading books or being with people known...voices heard always linger in some way or the other..often they are voices just in our heads...everyone's running away from something if you'd notice clearly....:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SO true. And we tend to think we are the worst off and we have the worst problems:)

      Delete
  15. You are back and how! It was sure worth a wait :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. People watching and tuning in to the thought spectrum,quite a dangerous ability:D.Have you seen Rear Window?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When you put it that way...
      Well, I might not 'spy' as such :P

      Nope, but I Googled it and put it on download :) Thank you, sounds vastly my typa movie.

      Delete
  17. If we actually notice, we would know that our problems are mere NOTHING before what the others go through...
    Glad to have you back in action!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. And we moan about trivial things. Thanks:)

      Delete
  18. I love observing people in crowds....I keep analyzing the walk, the smile, the interactions and sub-consciously I am comparing them to my own. I've never been a big fan of random stuff, but this one I enjoyed. And like AS says, grown up are we?

    Good to have you back PV <3<3<3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks :D Grown up? Not so much :P Good to BE back, milady :)

      Delete
  19. U know, a friend n I used to watch ppl at railway stations n we used to make up conversations that they "could" hv been saying.. it was mighty fun cos more often than not, the conversation which we made up were highly erotic... :)

    But it really makes it interesting looking at ppl n tryin wht wud b goin thru their minds :)

    Welcum back P!! Been a while :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAhahahaha, I know, we do that too :P Hell of a lot of more fun than being all serious and dumpy, I must say :D

      It has, thanks:)

      Delete
  20. Firstly, the theme of your blog is just so delicious that I just feel like eating it right away! :P

    Secondly, I feel really happy that I found your blog through blog chai and came here. It was a really nice post to read. In today's day and age, where places are flooding with the crowd, but one still does walk alone only despite all the shouts. Sad but true.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then you should have seen my previous header :D You would have already eaten it, I had to change because I almost DID eat it :P
      So glad you dropped by and thanks.. Good to have you here:)

      Delete
  21. People watching is so very fascinating, isn't it? I do hope that The Voice is okay too...fingers crossed. Good to see you back after so long!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Welcome back :)

    That *I will buy you a better toy* is such a déjà vu.....

    ReplyDelete
  23. Back after a long time:) Welcome! Hope someone saves The Voice...There are many such voices that go unnoticed. Nice post:)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh my! That was lovely! And scary too! I really hope the owner of that voice is ok too! Thanks a lot for thinking bout us for a second there too!!! :) Wonder why jane forgot to mention this post to me! Glad I saw this now!!! Nice to have u back after a long break!!! :) Enjoyed it, just like all the other posts!!! :)

    ReplyDelete

Go on, you can say it.