10 Things You Really Don't Need To Know About Me

Been a long time since I TMI-ed you guys. So here goes nothing.

10> I cannot, CANNOT stand public washrooms. I’d rather hold it in, get UTI and die than tinkle in most public washrooms.

9> The thought of sharing my toothbrush and books with ANYONE makes me want to hurl.

8> I seem to have developed an obsession for all things owlish in the last few years.

7> I am probably the best non-practicing fashion follower ever. As in, I like looking up trends, shades, makeup, hemlines, and whatnot, but retract into being a semi-tomboy in real life. Zero effort goes into picking out my clothes for the day/have a basic skin care routine with products I've used since high school.

6> I hate the heat/summer. I HATE it. I HATE IT SO VERY MUCH. Indian summers are the bane of my existence, clearly I was born in the wrong part of the world.
I love the cold: lower the temperature, the better. I’m in the best of moods when I’m drenched to the bone from riding in the rain or my toes and fingertips are going numb in the cold.

5> I've never been a grammar Nazi; I’ve always made up words whenever I wanted to, chosen a very conversational style of writing, set an informal tone. But I've become 10x more conscious of my own casual writing and that of others since I started editing. My old posts end up making me cringe. Talk about letting a job dictate terms.

6> Considering my obsession with chocolate and related things, it is easy to assume that I have a sweet tooth – I don’t. I don’t like most Indian sweets except Chikki and Ras Malai and sometimes, a stray Doodh Peda.

5> Rice-hater, yo! Only rice I will put in my mouth is Ma’s pulao. Roti-lover all the way!

4> Vegetarian by choice for more than a decade now, and proud of it (despite all the ghas-phoos jokes). My family and friends hate me for it though, I’m sure, what with having to cook both vegetarian and non-vegetarian dishes for every meal.

3> Not great at it but I love cooking, love shopping for cooking and love reading up recipes.

2> Sucker for photos. I can browse Pinterest for days together and then some.

1> Not a morning person. At all. Never been, never will be, have stopped trying. I envy all those people who can get anything except <brushing, bathing, pulling on a tee and jeans (God help me if I have to work in an org that has a dress code), and running out of the door> done in the mornings. I snooze all the way from 6.00 am to 8.00 am. Doesn’t matter if I’m woken up every eight minutes by my phone, I’ll still rebel and stay in bed just to prove a point. To who, I don’t know.

P.S: Inspired by Kelly :)
P.S.S: I wanted to add some randomness to my About Me page. Hence, the post.
P.P.S.S: If you want to take it up as a tag, you are most welcome to! Leave your links in the comments :)
P.P.P.S.S: Linking this to Alley's Open Slather

Things That I Have Gotten So Tired Of, Lately.

In no particular order....

1)    Explaining to people how a “blog” is different from a “blog post”. Seasoned bloggers say it has been a long time since they posted a blog and my ears turn red from all the self-control I exercise.

2)    The whole losing weight drama. I eat. Then regret. Then exercise. Then eat. Then regret. Then forget to exercise. And it goes on. Somebody give me some motivation to stick to SOME form of exercise so that I don’t have to give up on food.

3)    Blogger and its three billion bugs.

4)    My current life. Nothing wrong with it. But I keep feeling nothing is happening in it. Do not ask me to elaborate because that will probably require 40 posts.

5)    People saying there is no food for vegetarians in this world except grass and leaves and then laughing about it. It is so funny that I forget to laugh -_- Am I being judgmental about you orphaning the baby goat and the cute little chick? No right? Then leave me alone. 

6)    Slow Excel sheets. Sometimes I think God created MS Excel to test my patience. Yes, I can be that self-centered.

7)    Kittens pooping in such large quantities. Makes you wonder how they produce that much shit that smells like nobody’s business despite being so small and so cute. (Explanation on why I’m talking about kittens in another post)

8)     Captcha. HAS to be the bane of my internet existence.

9)    Dish washing and laundry. No matter how diligent I am with these chores, there always seem to be more to do.

10)    Of people calling me Pri or Priya. Makes me want to never talk to them again. I don’t know why I feel so strongly about it but I do.

11)    People interrupting me while I’m reading and people pulling my headphones off when I’m listening to something. 

Oh, reminds me.... watch this:

What are YOU tired of?

Reasons for being MIA

I was too busy not studying for exams.
You know the wonderful way exams have for reminding you of work that has to be done without finishing which you just can't bear to start studying? Yeah. So I was catching up on the last season of Grey's Anatomy.
If you have any interests in sitcoms as a whole, I recommend strongly (I can't stress 'strongly' enough) that you download the last three episodes of season 6 of Grey's Anatomy and watch them. They are nothing short of amazing. The kind of amazing that you see very, very rarely. A little background for the uninitiated here.

Then I got my hands on a copy of The Immortals of Meluha. You know the way I have to finish a book in one sitting? Yeah. So that.

Then I got busy decimating flowers for Onam, staying up the whole night and making every single moment count. My last Onam in college and I get all weepy because whatever I do there is going to be the last. Yeah. So that as well.

Then somebody called me sensible. Beat that! Made my day, I tell you. There is at least one person in the world who thinks Priyanka Victor is sensible:P I mean, like, wow.
O.k so that's not a reason but how do you brag about being called sensible, decently :D


But I was mostly MIA because there is this trick that Reliance has. You know the way they cut the internet connection sometimes? Like when you, like an absolute jackass, forget to pay the bill? Yeah. So that too.

Anyway, so I missed FB (where people discovered that I am called Dinky too; yeah that's my pet-name. Yes. Lets start with the 'donkey' and 'dinkchika' jokes) and Blogger so much that I hugged my laptop when the connection came back on (after a very irate mother paid the bill) and told both that I missed them deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees much.
I'm sorry if I haven't commented on your blogs, Ai yam the back now to make you listen to my pointless blahs :D

And calling out to all the girls who don't shudder at being girly sometimes, check out Darlings of Venus. The awesomeness of the writers (I don't include myself:P) itself makes this baby amazing:) Contribute and help us grow. Lets be girls together.

I have a story scheduled for posting tomorrow since I'll be busy fainting from payasam overdose.
For all my Malayalee readers, my hrudayam niranja onashamsagal (to those who couldn't make sense of that, happy onam).

Our Pookalam

For all my not-so-Malayalee readers, look up Onam and you'll be treated to the best flower carpets (like the above picture) ever. And treat yourselves to a ready-made sadya (lunch) as well, just for the heck of it (if you get lost in the process, here's a generalised 'how to')

Miss me, anyone? No? Damn.

Blogging 101

I try not to preach. I try really hard.
A little because I don't sound nice when I'm preachy,
But mostly because I know how I react to preachy people and posts.

But since I started blogging I have had certain Great Realizations, some on my own and some from Spiff (which I found to be 200 'parsant' true) and I thought I should share; might be of use to those who are just starting out. Maybe they can steer clear of those mistakes that I thoroughly plodded through like a big, fat buffalo on rampage.

Anyway, coming to the point, there are two three parts to it -

The Writing Part:
1) Be honest in your posts. Readers can detect fakers a mile away. You don't have to over-dramatize everything just to make up a good post. And don't attempt abstract nonsense just to sound intellectual unless abstractness is your forte and you make perfect sense.


2) Write about something of common interest to readers. Even though blogs are a place to express yourself, nobody wants to read about how you brush your teeth in the morning and how many times you yawned in advanced history class. Unless you have a blog and followers which/who are exclusively dedicated to your life and times in which case, it's o.k.


3) Please do a grammar check before you post, you don't want to sound illiterate to the world, do you? And running a spell-check  is pretty simple too, so DO it. N 4 gawd's sak plz don typ lik dis n da blg - annoys the shit out of everyone. It's called text language for a reason.
Also, don't type whole sentences in capitals. It hurts the eye and the page. Use bold html tags.


4) Include pictures in the posts. RELEVANT ones. It helps break up boring text into digestible bits - says almost every blog-advice site. Heed if you want to be read. But this does not give you the license to go crazy and include like ten pictures for every three lines you write (unless you have a photo blog).


5) Reply to comments. DO reply. Readers don't comment because they are entirely jobless and have no lives. They comment because they like your work and want you to know they appreciate it. Acknowledge that. Even if you are the most popular blogger on the planet, reply. For without readers, you'd just be another person talking to himself.
Also, don't comment and leave a link JUST to increase your traffic without even reading the post, you'll only repel the blogger.


6) And for HEAVEN'S SAKE remove word verification on comments. This is a personal request as well. I comment on a lot of blogs and it makes it really painful. I don't see the point either. If you don't want direct comments, enable moderation. But please, NO word verification.

The Technical Part (even if you are a tech-geek, don't ignore this part)

1) Take pains to learn how your blog works. What comes from where, goes where et al. Blogger and WordPress both are very, very customize-able platforms. Learn a wee bit of HTML code, exercise common sense and you can work wonders for your blog. Customize, customize and more customize.

2) I recommend strongly that you pick one address that you are completely happy with, one name for the blog that makes you pat yourself on the back for your exemplary creativity every time you think of it and forget about changing it. EVER. You'll lose readers otherwise. Trust me I speak from experience.

3) I know templates are aplenty and us, writers, are a dissatisfied and easily bored lot but try and stick to one template for at least six months at a time.

4) Don't crowd your homepage with widgets. They might be cool but they take away the attention from the post itself. Keep it simple. Or atleast pick put those which are complimentary.

5) Make sure everything in your blog fits a certain theme, your theme. By everything I mean, color combinations, lettering and such. And please don't ignore alignment issues.

6) If you don't want to experiment on your blog as such, create a tester blog and use it as a lab rat.
Also, try opening your blog in different browsers. They tend to have technical glitches where everything seems fine to you while your readers can't see shizz (remember a very recent time when my blog was black and entirely too difficult to read?)

7) For God's sake, make sure your page loads fast. As an owner of a blog that loads like a snail (and doesn't know what to do about it), I strongly recommend that you do WHATever it takes to load the fastest. There is no bigger put off than a slow webpage.

The General Part:

1) Don't copy. I can't stress that enough. Respect yourself enough not to copy.

2) Don't be egoistical to admit someone else's blog is wayyy more awesome then your's will ever be. But take pride in your own niche as well. The key is to find the balance.

3) Don't be rude. If it's meant to be funny and a lot of people find it funny, it's ok. But telling your readers that you are better than a the whole lot of them put together, might not go down well with them.

4) Don't blog about current issues unless you know what exactly is going on and you are some kind of authority on it. Opinions are o.k but updates and newsy posts are not. Readers get those from far more authoritative sources then you.

And most importantly, be genuine. When you compliment, mean it.
Popularity comes second. Integrity, first. 

Happy blogging, y'all:)
Veteran bloggers, anymore? Let me know.

P.S: I don't claim to be an expert. This is from one learner to another.

15 Day Challenge: Day 12

"Would I Rather"

1) Live without music or live without T.V.?

Without T.V, gotten used to that in the hostel.

2) Eat a bar of soap or drink a bottle of dish washing liquid?

Drink the dish washing liquid. Ugh. Still, got to be easier than munching a whole bar down.

3) Be called a racist or a traitor to your country?

Definitely racist. I'd never live being called a traitor to India down. 

4) Be trapped in an elevator with three fat men with bad breath or with wet dogs?

     Why isn't "getting stuck with Milo Ventimiglia" an option, disappointing.

The dogs, I have 5 wet, dirty ones all over me all the time at home anyway.

5) Have a beautiful house and an ugly car or an ugly house and a beautiful car?

Beautiful house and ugly car. I don't like cars much in the first place unless it's a Ferrari.

6) Always say what’s on your mind or never speak again?

Never speak again. I would hurt too many people otherwise.

7) Have it all or know it all?

Know it all, then I'd know how to have it all too, right :P

8) Be forgotten or hatefully remembered?

Be forgotten, any day.

9) Be able to read everyone’s mind all the time or always know their future?

Mind reading is a superpower I have always prayed for:D

10) Eat a handful of hair or lick three public telephones?

      
YEWWWWWW, gross. handful of hair? No, the licking.  
Er, the hair. Ok, the licking.  
Oh God, how about neither :|

Ok FINE, the hair then *choking noises*

12 down, 3 to go:)




P.S: THANKYOU, BlogAdda for the Tangy Tuesday Pick!! <3

15 Day Challenge!

Ah, I have been introduced into the world of blog challenges, though (much to my chagrin) late. What I hope to achieve is that I’ll dust off my lazy butt, rise to the occasion without hiding behind the convenient excuse of writers’ block and prevent abusing my pore 

ole’ blog anymore. The challenge’s from Tumblr, tweaked it a little though.

And I take this opportunity to thank my faithful followers who have put up with my Pathetically Irregular posting and still remained with me. Erm, too Oscar-ish?? (Reminds me of a sugary update I read recently on academic success which had me choking with laughter at the drama).

Well, I wouldn’t put it any other way, I AM grateful.

As Barney Stintson would say,

*drum roll*

Challenge accepted!

Wish me luck!
Here goes…

Bucketed!!

Oh, I might as well admit two things right at the beginning.



(i) Idea NOT original. Only the list is.



(ii) I have not seen the actual movie. And my inspiration is Ashwin Ramachandran, fellow blogger.




I was going through this (in-ter-est-ing-!!!) and I realised I had my list too. The difference is that mine has some crazy stuff that can/will never ever happen. Anyway, here goes….



1) Own a farm in Welsh like the ones in Enid Blyton stories, complete with big mooing Jersey cows and chickens and strawberries and whatnot. I want my entire family there, with me baking fresh bread every day and bottling my own pickles and jams. For those wiseasses who might say ‘strawberries don’t grow in Welsh’ or something, please move over and let me dream. And now you know what I meant when I said ‘crazy’.



2) Own one item of every single huge brand in the world. The list starts from Armani, Gucci, Prada, Jimmy Choo’s, Bvlgari, Victoria’s Secrets and goes on. I’m not greedy; one item from each would be more than enough.



3) Go backpacking across the world. When I say back packing, it doesn’t mean that I will pitch tents and endure mosquitoes; ‘back-packing’ just sounds exotic. If at all I get to go, it will be first class all the way, baby!



p.s: Erm, well, you get to go round only once (pun intended), you might as well do it in style.



4) Make sure all the orphans within a ten mile radius of wherever I am are taken care of. ‘Care’ also includes education. At least, a-ten-mile-radius will be better people. Oh, and old people too; those ones whose families I will exterminate for abandoning them.



5) Learn all the traditions of the different cultures of the world. I don’t know why, it fascinates me.



6) Learn Arabic and read the Koran. I’m fascinated with Islam as well.



7) Buy a zoo and treat the animals so very, very well, that my zoo becomes an example to the rest of the zoos and all of them want to emulate me.



8) Shoot/ curse/hex everybody who eats rabbits.



9) Build a house with a pool and a hot tub and the works and decorate it myself (that includes the painting too. Yeah, yeah, I know it won’t turn out as abstractly pretty as it does in movies but I still want to try).



10) Invent a clothes-folder. As in it folds clothes after they dry. Is there something like that already? (Note: I DETEST folding clothes, but as the good- lil-house-keeper-person I’m supposed to be, that is/will be one of my main duties…*throws up hands in despair*).



11) Shake all those of my classmates who are getting married and tell them “WTFTW??, You are ONLY frikking 20!! WHAT, in the name of all that is holy, is your hurry? (For the record, I don’t have anything against marriage or any commitment issues. I’m freaked out by the idea of people I ran around in pigtails and pinafores with ‘settling’ down).



12) Be a guy for a day. It’ll help me SO much in dealing with them.



13) Own a chocolate factory that caters only to people with names starting with a P, ending with an A, and has R, I,Y, A, N, and K in between. They also should be Malayalee, 5’ 2(.5)”, 49.5 kgs, shoulder-length black hair and worship chocolates.



14) Play Blur all night and complete all the demands at one go. Also, be allowed to use Shannon’s F1 Renault in and for all levels.



15) Unleash bugs on all men who think that women belong in the kitchen, barefeet and pregnant. If the woman herself wants to be barefeet and pregnant in the kitchen, that’s fine; please, oh please, don’t force her. Not by brute strength OR emotional blackmail.



16) Ask Ekta Kapoor how her serial actors sleep eight hours and wake up without smudging their liner or mascara. Would be of GREAT use to me in changing my cat-just-took-a-swipe look. While I’m at it, I might as well ask her how her characters can be as stupidly slow-brained as to take three weeks’ worth of episodes to find out that their spouse has something to say/cheating on them/pregnant/dying.



17) Walk the red carpet to the Oscars in something that an Indian designer made which actually looks Indian.



18) Meet Sharukh, Hrithik’s kids, Shahid and the Bacchan family. Oh, and when I meet SRK I want to scream that girly way that just pierces the eardrums and come out through the other side leaving your brain fuzzy and you thinking if she’s lost it.



19) Find software that automatically downloads all the songs from songs.pk, bollywood section. And iTunes and all the rest.



20) Oh, one of the most important. Make fast, free internet connectivity available EVERYWHERE. By everywhere, I MEAN everywhere including Leh, loo etc.



21) Make sure my brother and sister have exactly the same (or more) choices and opportunities that I did.



22) Write a children’s best-seller. Like J.K.R.



23) Stop having dreams about falling off a chair.



24) Make Chocolava cakes the official breakfast of India.



25) Pray hard every night that 2012 happens, so that humans can take some time off to think about their priorities.



26) Make money less important in our lives.



27) Hope that people who are cruel to animals die a slow, excruciatingly painful, prolonged death. If I can help in the process, that’d be awesome.



28) Erase, rewind and re-record life and put a genuinely happy, carefree smile on my mother’s face.



29) Take one small, tiny little peek into the future to make sure things will go as I have planned them.



30) Grow bananas in my backyard.



31) Start a playschool and spend all day, every day with babies and toddlers.



32) Get drenched in every single rain from now till eternity and come back to my mother’s pakodi.



33) Never disappoint Nandu.



34) Meet a vampire. Nope, not because of Edward Cullen (I don’t find him THAT handsome, thank you very much). But because I want to know if an alternate world exists. Oh, even a Hippogriff would do.



35) Tell Swami Vivekananda to make his speech less complicated to understand because he actually has a point. And a very relevant, good one.



36) Never ever have writers’ block or any trouble putting into words the EXACT same thing that’s running in my head.



37) Do shots in a pub/ get a drink sent over.



38) Buy the coffee machine from my night canteen. Nope, I don’t want another one LIKE it, I want the EXACT same one.



39) Touch a snake (and not have it bite me, du-h).



40) Start a stray pound for all strays in the world and make sure they are treated right.



41) Meet the cast of Grey’s Anatomy with the (vain!) hope that they are the same people they portray.



42) Be able to one: freeze time, two: read other people’s minds (comics-overload).



43) Immortalize F.R.I.E.N.D.S with a museum.



44) Be able to look out of my window every morning and see vast fields of flowers and grass and be able to look forward to each day.



45) Own a library.



46) Visit Disneyland with my brother and sister while they are still children.



47) Hope other people see the small, happy things in life.



48) Honor A.R.Rahman, Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Kalam, Suu Kyi, Steve Irwin, J.K.R, Danielle Steele, Vellupalli Prabhakaran, Mark Zuckerberg, Amitabh Bacchhan and Jyothi Victor. Contact me for more details on why.



49) Be able make the people I love happy all the time, all my life.



50) Be able to call somebody a dash when I need to.




This has turned out more like a wishlist rather than a bucket list. Ah well, like Phoebe says, potato, potahto.