21 Jun 2014

Hamartia*



He was a mild-mannered analyst - unconventionally good-looking with a smile that would make you break into one yourself. He had this innate ability to make the people around him hoot with laughter if he so chose but on the whole, his masterful personality commanded respect and admiration, from peers as well as superiors. 

She was masterful too, the words she wrote could make images jump off the pages right into the heart of the readers. She had a loud laugh that covered up most of her insecurities and her heart was bigger than her ego. She constantly spell-checked everyone but the ones who loved her knew that she was not being annoying, it was just the way she was.

And they fell in love.

A simple wedding under the watchful eyes of two sets of parents and a handful of friends was the beginning of their happily-ever-after – neither of them had any illusions about love being perfect but they had understood that as long as they looked forward to snuggling at the end of the day and waking up next to each other at every sunrise, there was nothing much else that they needed.

One day, his mother came to stay with them. While daughter-in-law loved mother-in-law to bits, she couldn’t bear to share her life’s love, her husband, with anyone. And considering he cared about his mother more than everything else, she had not a choice but to deal with the constant ache that possessiveness brought with it.

The rational part of her told her to shut up and deal with it, that she was his  motherand that she was just being a bitch. But that part which governed her love for him raged and ranted every time he gobbled down something that his mother had made for him with relish and she cried herself to sleep every time he fell asleep on his mother’s lap. She had to be nice to her in front of him to remain in his good books and she couldn’t complain to him because one, she knew him enough to know that he would not understand this kind of possessiveness and two, the mother really was a sweet, old lady who was trying to accept that her son had fallen in love with a wildling.

The wildling’s artistic tendencies and wild imagination which had been the best part of her till now were the same things which magnified the possessiveness manifold inside her head and heart. And slowly, her soul was chipping away into nothingness and so was the love. 

She decided enough was enough.

She chose to go the sneaky route and spiked the old lady’s chai every morning. The chronic diabetic couldn’t really tell that all her Sweet ‘n Lows had been replaced with powdered sugar and the packets resealed – she was just happy that she and her bahu were spending some quality time together. The lengths the wildling was willing to go to.  

Eight months later, the old lady succumbed to undetected kidney failure induced by out-of-control blood sugar levels which nobody seemed to be capable of explaining – what happened to the controlled diet, the planned exercises and the insulin shots?  

He was distraught with grief and she was ecstatic with joy.

In brief moments of sanity, the wildling wondered if she was going insane. But then the euphoria of having gotten her own way set in and she climbed quietly into her husband’s lap and nuzzled against his scruffy jaw which dripped quietly with tears.

Until he found the last of his mother’s Sweet ‘n Lows in a dusty cupboard somewhere and painstakingly worked out what had happened.

He hadn’t believed her capable of it until he saw the barely veiled guilt in her eyes and the blind rage that set in was one that he, or for that matter she, had never ever felt before.

“How could you do this to her? All she wanted was to bond with you, find a daughter in you! How could you even think it?!!
“She was taking you away from me!”

But her sentences were garbled as the pressure at her throat was causing the edges of her vision to blur. The rage refused to relent. The pressure evened out only after her body went limp. The face he had loved and sworn to protect was lifeless all of a sudden and the horror that dawned within him was far more destructive than the rage.

The next morning, the newspapers carried a small article in one of the corners somewhere in the middle page “IT husband strangles wife and hangs himself. Suspected insanity.”


And thus, the green-eyed monster claimed three more victims.  

***

Most of the time we fail to realize how destructive jealousy and jealous rage can be and what dire consequences it can lead to in any relationship. Whatever else you do or don't do, never underestimate the power of jealousy. 

P.S: Inspired by a true story. 
P.P.S: Too much GoT obsession happening, forgive me. 
*Hamartia - what a beautiful word. I have been hooked to the word since I finished The Fault in Our Stars. It means "fatal flaw", for the uninitiated.
 

9 Jun 2014

Drunk On You This Summer

Loud hippie colors
The crash of the waves
The grainy sand
 
A gypsy headband
The light diffusing
above her head
Wavy tresses
kissing slender waist
Hard planes of chiseled jaws
Early morning scruff

Sexy piercings and deeply inked skin
Knotted fingers and juicy kisses
Tanned skin against beaded bracelets

Drunk on the bliss of freedom
Satiated sighs
Sharp intakes of breath
Munching on berries and bread
Coming alive to the weed by the bed

Sweet summer love
Fleeting moments
Quick to dissipate
There is finality in the goodbye
An understood period

But also the promise
Of never to forget.

1 Jun 2014

The Month That Was.... May '14


At the risk of sounding clichéd, I can’t believe it is June already. I started the #fmsphotoaday but couldn't complete it. And I also wrote so much more than I have in the last six months, all thanks to the April challenge that still has me going. New responsibilities at looming over me at work and I realize now that I have had a cosseted career so far. I bought half a dozen books, went crazy in Blossoms, but guess what, it took me TWO WHOLE MONTHS to finish The Song of Fire and Ice: The Game of Thrones!! Never have I been such a slow reader, I finished Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix in one night and The Deathly Hallows in a day, no kidding :/

I learnt that I’m going nowhere by being honest. I learnt that not keeping my mouth shut about my life in the office can get me into trouble. And I learnt that I should stop ‘speaking for everyone’ for it has made me look like a villain.

OH and I got my first ever white hair :D

Song on my mind: Hulla Re from 2 States. I haven’t yet worked out why the instrumental version gives me goosebumps.

New Food Paradise: Health Food section of Auchan (I’m drinking green tea, FTW!)

Site: StumbleUpon (I know its old news but the things I find over there blow my mind. Every. Single. Day)

Quote: 


In memoriam.
It has helped me find a balance: I trust people implicitly, unnecessarily. And that has backfired on me only a billion times. Not a good thing. Because of which I find myself becoming cynical about everything everyone says. Not a good thing, either.

Plans for June: Just get through the damn month. I have a feeling it is going to be nuts. And maybe post some of the stuff that I wrote last month over here, so that I won’t have a pathetic post count.

How did your May go?

June, how you doin'? ;

30 May 2014

Summertime Sadness



When everything is just *this* far from perfect, when everything is just *this* far from complete, that feeling at the pit of the tummy and that blank space in the confines of the mind that leave you distracted and not in a good way but dreamy in definitely a good way. Is there a word for it? 

It is not as simple or exciting as "intriguing" but it is not as sad as "melancholic" either. 
 
I find it easy to lose myself in the world of the whimsical these days.... dreaming of summers by the beach, rainy days by the hearth, plenty of books and food and words and sitcoms. And cell phone signals.

It is probably because reality is stark, black and white and boring.
I'm not complaining, life IS good, I'm where I want to be.

But the heart always yearns for the stuff that quotes are made up of, dunnit?  
 

16 May 2014

Between The Devil & The Deep Sea?

As the country is being swept by the NaMo wave, I read up on pogroms and on ethnic and religious targeting, wondering if the 563 million+ Indians who voted have done the right thing - will they get to see the strength of a superb business model without compromising on social liberalism? Right now, my dear motherland suffers from all the sickness that capitalism brings with it and her strong jog towards development, which was set in motion by freedom fighters who understood the true meaning of what it was to finally be a democracy, has slowed down to a painful limp. We still have third world problems like bad sanitation and lack of food, despite supposedly having left that stage decades ago. 

My friend convinces me with case in point, the development Gujarat has seen, and I wonder if I can dream of such development across states to help realize the dreams of harnessing all the potential the great nation has. But Pankaj Mishra spouts out the NaMo history and the negative obsession towards ‘minorities’ -  I start doubting the wisdom of putting a fanatic at the helm, one who is a lifelong member of a group which stands for everything that broad-minded, educated Indians are against. I strongly believe that the single, most powerful thing that can cause the country to burn is communalism arising from religious differences. And for someone like me who believes that faith is something that is extremely personal and nobody else's business, this is one of the worst tendencies to have as a leader of my country.

But what about the dynasts who we had shown faith in, the liberalists who allowed all the social freedom in the world? They failed us on such a grand scale that the world laughs and calls us a failure of the democratic mechanism which has been replaced with capitalist oligarchy.

Whatever it is, only time will tell whether the skeptics will have the satisfaction or the faith the country has show will be rewarded – in another five years we shall know where we stand. Neither is anything in my hands nor is it my cup of tea after having been apolitical all this while, but all I can hope is I will not have to give up and replace my Indian passport because I don’t feel safe bringing up my little sister and my baby girl here, in the country I love, in the biggest democracy of world.  

 

8 May 2014

Testing 1, 2, 3

So I have tried a couple of things and I think the feed issue has been corrected. Gimme a shoutout if you can see this on your dashboard or blog reader thingys!

5 May 2014

Unsent Letters




To the boy who has his nose buried in the books, 

Look up! The real world is as beautiful and as perfect as it is in those books. Sure, there is pain and there is disorder and chaos and more pain but when you look beyond it, there is greater happiness. Just like the pot of gold that the goblin planted for you to find. Read to fall in love with words, with expressions, not to escape reality.

- Me who used to hide behind books when life got hard. But never realized that the solution to the problems lay elsewhere.  

To the girl who falls in love too easily,

You have only one heart and piecing it together after it splinters for the nth time will hurt more than you can endure. Love as much as you want but protect the wee little heart – give that all-consuming, ever-lasting power to only those who really deserve it. But even if you don’t learn, I shall be around to put you back together.

- Me who likes to pretend to have a barricaded heart. And hides the marshmallow-like softness behind the façade of cynicism.

To the man with the coffee and the quick stride,

You have worked long and hard which is why the meeting will wait. You should lengthen the stride, slow it down a bit, let your coffee simmer down from the scalding hot that it is now. You gaze straight ahead but you see nothing more than the path in front of you – open your senses to the fresh green foliage, the earthy smell of the first rain, the spicy aroma from the chat stall and the incessant babble of the women around.

- Me who learnt to live better. But not before God numbered my days.

To the people who are obsessed with ‘finding love’,

If you don’t stop underselling yourself and overexpecting from others, if you don’t stop looking for something that is not meant to be found that easily, if you don’t let others’ happiness sway you in the wrong direction, if you don’t stop with the endless rounds of self-pity which help you spiral only in the downward direction, you will never be truly happy even if you do find the great love of your life. Let it happen when it happens. And leave it alone till it does.

- Me who has fallen in and out of ‘love’ a million, billion, trillion times. So much so that I don’t know what true love feels like.

To the pantry boy,

The genuine smile that you serve with your burnt tea is what will get you places.

- Me who doesn’t remember the faces of any other pantry boy. Except you.

To the married woman,

If you ever come by here, I want you to know that I’m proud to be someone you call ‘friend’. Right from the quiet maturity that everyone relies on to the art of dealing with the most difficult people that you seem to have mastered, I wonder how you do it. I love how you are not perfect and your husband is not perfect but together you are picture perfect. I want that for me and some day, will you grant me the honor of being my bridesmaid?

- Me who has found a role model in you.  

To the raindrops that caught me unawares on a Friday night,

The tumultuous events of the evening did nothing to dissipate from the pleasure you gave me – I felt the heat rise from my person and disappear into wisps in the strong winds that you brought with you and I truly understood the meaning of ‘water for the thirsty’. Stick around, won’t you?

- Me who hates the summer with all my heart. Despite all the fleeting summery feelings the season is supposed to bring with it.

To 2014,

Be nice to all those who are less than lucky. Be nice to all those who aren’t as blessed. Be nice to all those who need you to make things better. Be nice to those who suffer at the hands of Fate. Bring more hope as you go along as that alone will take us forward.

- Me who has had bad days in the year. But cannot really recall them.

To Perfection,

Stop being so elusive.

- Me whose hands you slip out of on an everyday basis.


1 May 2014

The Month That Was.... April '14


So I have decided to bring back the MonthyMusings thingy that I used to do because of its very ‘Dear Diary’ feel :)


April, April, April. I loved you so.

I learnt that I am also capable of completing a challenge and that, single-handedly, makes April the best one so far. Yeah, it took a lot out of my day to come up with something decent everyday and I did cheat a tiny bit by scheduling some of the posts but the satisfaction of seeing all 26 posts up on the blog is beyond anything I have experienced in my blog life. I learnt to juggle a job, a social life and a blog which is no mean feat and I bow down to those who do it on a regular basis. Special thanks to all you lovely people who have commented on almost every single post, you know who you are!

I turned a year older and none the wiser. The birthday moment aka 12 a.m was spent with two verrra favoritest*  people which was definitely a highlight.

I learnt to firm my resolve and finally got myself a tattoo. It holds so much importance in my life and I'm just so very glad I chose Arpitha.

So its on my ankle and hence no decent pictures, bear with me. "Alis Volat Propriis"
I learnt that I have reached my outside-food-saturation-point and I’m desperate for home-cooked food now, to the extent of stealing colleagues lunches. Yeah, it took me five years to reach here. 

I learnt that I will never stop missing family this bad. Five long days with card games, Taboo, shopping, eating, pointless arguments and whatnot made me never want to come back to Bangalore again. 

I learnt that I am so past the new graduate phase and I’m seeing things, life, people differently – I’d like to think I’m much more easy-going that I was and I have learnt not to take things so seriously. On the other hand, I have had a couple of my infamous meltdown moments which I am growing too old for.  

And I learnt to write for myself again, which makes me less obsessed with everything else there is around here which in turn helps me think and write better. Always a good thing, yo :P AND I’ve found a billion nice blogs to read after a real long while.

Song on my mind: Happy!
New Food Paradise: Church Street Social
Obsession: The Song of Fire and Ice
Site: oneword
Quote:
And I need to keep repeating this to myself on a daily basis.
Plans for May: I’m doing the #fmsphotoaday on Instagram. Hopefully, I’ll be able to complete that one as well, come join me? I want to take up an art and crafts project of some kind. I also have imposed a social media/TV series (except GoT) ban for a month for the reason that I’m wasting a lot of time that I could be reading and then complain that I have no time, let’s see how that goes.

What’s up with you guys?

And I almost forgot, Ms. May, how you doin’? (:

*I reserve the right to make up and modify words on my own blog, creative license and all that :P