There is a weight on your shoulders. It came upon you while you were busy growing up too soon and it is still there. Your support system has been more than great, so despite the weight of the weight, you have dealt wonderfully; you live life being relatively happy.
The lesson of gratitude for what you have has been pounded into every last cell of yours, so throwing up your hands and saying ‘why can’t it all be a little easier, like it is for half the world?’ is not even an option; if you, in an unguarded moment, let yourself feel a little sorry for yourself, you start beating yourself up for not counting your blessings, blessings that have not been bestowed on so many others. The darkness is there, considering everything, the darkness will always be there but the path has been great, and the aforementioned support system is solid, so you trudge on. And the weight seems to have always been there.
Worry is like a worm in the apple. The happy apple is busy being happy and smiley and happy but the worm is there, lurking, eating it away cell by cell, eating away everything that is good about the apple. The worry is ultimately the root of all the apple’s problems and the reason for the apple’s destruction as well. But what can the apple do to kick out the worm? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. So the apple remains. As happy as it can be, considering it is being eaten inside out.
The weight and the worry are a deadly combination, no? One day, the weight will collapse, flattening out your existence. If the worry doesn’t spell the end of you first. You wait for that day, wait for the inevitable while making the most of what you can, dreaming, doing, waking, sleeping, living. You know that the day is closer than it has ever been when you start seeking easier solutions, you stop working toward the light at the end of the tunnel and believing that there is that light, in the first place. You carefully consider your options and toy with the idea of taking the coward’s way out. Easier solutions like simply ceasing to exist; lives will go on, the world will go on, they/it always do/does. There will be pain but in the long run, everything will be simpler, easier. At least for you.
But you have hardly done anything?!! What about all those wishes and hopes and dreams and wants? The niggling darkness says that they don't hold a candle to its ominous presence, they aren't worth the misery that comes with the weight and the worry being carried around.
The weight and the worry are external factors that you have allowed to take over your life. But the startling realization that, by allowing them such liberties, you are the one causing your own destruction, and nothing and nobody else, might come a little too late.
The lesson of gratitude for what you have has been pounded into every last cell of yours, so throwing up your hands and saying ‘why can’t it all be a little easier, like it is for half the world?’ is not even an option; if you, in an unguarded moment, let yourself feel a little sorry for yourself, you start beating yourself up for not counting your blessings, blessings that have not been bestowed on so many others. The darkness is there, considering everything, the darkness will always be there but the path has been great, and the aforementioned support system is solid, so you trudge on. And the weight seems to have always been there.
Worry is like a worm in the apple. The happy apple is busy being happy and smiley and happy but the worm is there, lurking, eating it away cell by cell, eating away everything that is good about the apple. The worry is ultimately the root of all the apple’s problems and the reason for the apple’s destruction as well. But what can the apple do to kick out the worm? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. So the apple remains. As happy as it can be, considering it is being eaten inside out.
The weight and the worry are a deadly combination, no? One day, the weight will collapse, flattening out your existence. If the worry doesn’t spell the end of you first. You wait for that day, wait for the inevitable while making the most of what you can, dreaming, doing, waking, sleeping, living. You know that the day is closer than it has ever been when you start seeking easier solutions, you stop working toward the light at the end of the tunnel and believing that there is that light, in the first place. You carefully consider your options and toy with the idea of taking the coward’s way out. Easier solutions like simply ceasing to exist; lives will go on, the world will go on, they/it always do/does. There will be pain but in the long run, everything will be simpler, easier. At least for you.
But you have hardly done anything?!! What about all those wishes and hopes and dreams and wants? The niggling darkness says that they don't hold a candle to its ominous presence, they aren't worth the misery that comes with the weight and the worry being carried around.
The weight and the worry are external factors that you have allowed to take over your life. But the startling realization that, by allowing them such liberties, you are the one causing your own destruction, and nothing and nobody else, might come a little too late.
Quite inspiring, I feel, this post is. Too often do we hold on to the weight and not let go, that it continues to grow and grow till we can't take anymore. And when we can't take anymore, we begin to worry. Best is to let go of the weight early, and along with it, the worry, haina? That way, we don't have to worry about the ways out either, and we can pursue the dreams and wishes and wants too. Bookmarked the post for re-reading!
ReplyDeleteIt often comes too late - the realization. :(
ReplyDeleteEven though it's such a thought provoking post, the chocolate cookie image as your signature, just makes me want to have that cookie now :P
ReplyDeleteI needed to read this right now. :)
ReplyDeleteWOW! you really know how to string your words beautifully.
ReplyDeleteFollowing you because this is one writers whose blog post I cannot miss.
Sorry I am so late. I tried visiting your blog before but it just won't load. *sad*
With Love,
Anna || Curly Scribbles
This post is very inspiring and I agree weight and worry are external factors. They will affect us only if we let them. But unfortunately as humans tend to do it. Even though this is all easy for me to say so difficult to follow.
ReplyDeleteThis was a particularly depressed-time post. Thanks for all the support guys.
ReplyDeleteI am designed to live in denial when the weight of worry is too much to take... it can weigh you down so much that people around you start feeling its weight too. Terrible time I can understand... but this too shall pass... and that's a major factor how I live in denial ... :)
ReplyDelete